Rabbit Population Growing

The urban bunny is on the rise, according to “anecdotal evidence” and the Sun-Times. One homeowner estimated a 25 percent increase, although it is not clear how he arrived at this estimate.

While the rabbits are cute, they’re no fun if you’re a horticulturist. The Lincoln Park Conservatory horticulturist Steve Meyer hasn’t been able to grow northern sea oats, “‘Black-eyed Susans, coral bells, rosebushes, Japanese maples, miniature elms, flowering quince, [or] hemlocks,’” because all these fat fucking bunnies keep eating them. Goddamn it, bunnies—grow your own food.

Besides being fat, other factors also contribute to a spiking rabbit population. Last year’s mild winter, better enforced leash laws, and the prevalence of landscaping are all helping rabbit populations grow. Experts also noted that people don’t like to shoot rabbits anymore, and no one around here really cook them, either. Now that Glen Close has been shot, bunnies aren’t at risk of being boiled, so the cottontail fuzzballs are free to roam the Chicago area, forming street gangs and eating cabbages.

Chicagoist has seen a bunch of urban bunnies, but our favorite was at the Home Depot outdoor garden area. There always seem to be a dozen security guards around Home Depot, and they were all on the case, furiously barking into their walkie-talkies that a “little rabbit is on the premises. Repeat, a little rabbit is on the premises.”