Human Waste Linked to Dave Matthews?

We've been saying that Dave Matthews Band is a bunch of shit-soaking garbage for a long time, and now we might have proof. Sunday afternoon, about 80 people aboard Chicago's Little Lady on the river were soaked in a "'brownish-yellow'" substance that rained down from the bridge above, apparently after a bus or two drove across. (The Sun-Times calls the boat the First Lady, but the details are hardly the important element here.)

More than 100 people were aboard the packed Chicago's First Lady at 1:20 p.m. Sunday when the sewage was dumped from two tour buses passing overhead, witnesses told police. The sewage splashed onto the boat and into the eyes and mouths of tourists. The boat immediately returned to the dock, and five people went to Northwestern Memorial Hospital for tests and treatment, police said.

One witness caught an Oregon license plate number from one of the busses, and police traced it to one of DMB's busses. The bus driver adamantly denies that that was his bus, arguing that he was parked outside the Peninsula Hotel the whole time. "'I haven't emptied the tank for days,'" the driver told the Trib, which is by the way totally gross. Look: shitstorm raining down on you is gross, but so is driving around in a bus with a full tank of excrement.

There's no real way to elaborate on the horror of being hit with sewage, so we turn now to the story-within-the-feces: the Sun-Times's unwillingness to identify the "rock band." " The Sun-Times is not naming [the band] because no charges have been filed," and part of us feels like we should respect that. Except…come on. This is gold.