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You know what is more fun than standing in the hot sun for three hours to ride a rollercoaster or water slide that 
takes a minute or less to get through? Pretty much everything. We realize that not everyone shares our hatred for theme parks like Six Flags Great America and the Dells, and that’s all well and good. But what if we told you their rides were also death traps?
Well, we’d be lying. Or at least exaggerating a lot. However, it is true that the newest water slide at Six Flags is horrifying. If you don’t believe us, just ask the little girl from Lockhart who now has 28 stitches in her head and a chip in her tooth from a ride.
The girl was riding the Tornado, which opened in 2005 and consists of a 130-foot funnel that starts 75 feet in the air (Whoopee!). The ride is supposed to simulate the experience of going through the eye of a tornado, then safely landing you into a catch pool below. That’s not what happened for the girl and her friend, though; the little girl was knocked unconscious at some point during the ride because instead of moving “gently” (“yeah, right”) side to side, the water took the children back to the top of the tunnel before they fell straight down through the whole thing.
What bothers us about the story is not that little kids were hurt—on the contrary, we think that most kids could use a little more roughhousing these days. What irks us is that the state isn’t going to penalize the park for not reporting the incident within 24 hours—get this: because it was determined that it wasn’t the ride’s fault.
Ok, what?? A.) Yes, it was. The kid didn’t cut her head wide open on Bugs Bunny’s tooth. And 2.) If it wasn’t the ride’s fault then it must have been the lifeguards at the top that let two little kids on to the effing ride. Don’t they have height requirements anymore?
Whatever. All the people who still argue that theme parks are fun can ride around on that hanging elevator thing, pay twelve dollars for spoons that say Six Flags, and pay an absurd amount to get in (where you'll rub against sweaty people all day) can continue to do so all they want.
Image via http://www.chmhotels.com/universalstudiosarea.html.
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What I like about this story is that I had no idea about this new cool slide technology until I saw stock footage accompanying the news story... and I thought, "holy shit, that looks like fun."
It was a much more effective bit of advertising than that creepy bald six flags mascot feller. I might just have to mix in a trip to the water park this summer!
Though I agree with your 'wtf' sentiment, do you have to massively editorialize every news article you come by?
May want to stick to 'just the facts'.
I know quite a few people I would like to push through that thing
matty, take a pill. it's a blog, not cnn. editorialization is most blogs' main fodder. and i've seen you make the same comment on other posts by alicia.. ever think that that might be, you know, her style?
I know, constructive feedback from readers is totally out of line. Like, who are we to say anything!
The park does have a height requirement and the kids made it, so they weren't breaking a rule.
It isn't automatically their fault if a kid gets hurt on their ride.
You point the finger at the park and then the lifeguards, but what about whoever accompanied these children to the park? Do they have any responsibility?
Whatever, indeed.
do you have to massively editorialize every news article you come by?
Um, yeah? It's sort of our thing, dude. Sure, there's some original content here (interviews, reviews, photo posts, etc.) but when it comes to news stuff, we're pretty much going the water cooler route much like you and your friends would when sitting around and BS'ing.
you sure did back up that it was six flag's fault...oh wait nevermind all you said was it was their fault guess. So I guess we'll have to take your word for it. Next time try to back up your ridiuclous rant.
Pardon Matty, it's his first time on the internet.
The tornado ride is in several of other parks around the country and it looks both fun/dangerous. But I don't get how IL decided it wasn't the rides fault. Unless the kids were drunk andn jumping up and down on the raft I would say it was the rides fault. I understand that you ride at your own risk but the state could at least investigate if 6-10 other people have been injured on the ride before.
I was a life guard at a water(/rollercoaster) park for a year. That has nothing to do with why I hate theme parks, but A.) It wasn't a huge park and B.) I didn't ever go to my park (because who wants to go have fun where you work-- even though I know you think a water/rollercoaster park would be different, you're wrong-- I still think it was the ride and/or the park's fault. There should be height and weight limits on a ride like that.
I'm not being a grandma, I'm just using Ye Olde Commone Sense. I think it might catch on.
it's not true.. i love this ride! i love six flags, great america!
hola
a todos los de E.U.A
su parque esta chidisimo
espero a mas contactos mi mail es;
plastikom_13@hotmail.com
los esperamos por aca
bye
WTF?! Anyone know Spanish here?
Oh, yeah. I mean, it's totally possible that 2 11-year-old kids probably not weighing more then 100 pounds each could go down the drop, past the "stoppers" where the water comes out and go all the way to the top of the diagonal 60-foot funnel and plummet to the bottom. Totally realistic, right?
You know what, I'm going to say anything more. The conclusion I've come to is: you're just a low-life, cheap retard that picks on random things to make you r pointless life seem great.
How could this be the lifeguard's fault? The kids were old and smart enough to hold onto the freakin' raft handles so they actually didn't fly off!
Okay, NOW I'm done.
P.S. Also, the ride was built in 2006, not 2005, and it looks completely different then that picture. Just shows how ignorant you are, right?
Not true, dude. Besides, the Tornado at SFGAm looks completely different from that.....