How Do People Say This Stuff With A Straight Face?

By Jocelyn Geboy in Miscellaneous on Jul 5, 2007 11:11AM

Better yet, how do they say it without a robot heart? On Monday, 38-year-old Reverend Daniel McCormack pleaded guilty to molesting five boys at St. Agatha Parish and Our Lady of the Westside School. He received a five-year sentence and was immediately was taken into custody.

At first, we were actually pleased. It seems we never hear about any priests who actually get called out into the public eye and who even make it to court (a feat huge unto itself, it seems) getting any sort of jail time or punishment. So we were kind of like, "Good! It's about time!" Until, we heard this. According to the Sun-Times article, "Archdiocese spokeswoman Colleen Dolan said the perception of McCormack's crimes was worse than the reality. The priest admitted he pulled down the pants and fondled the genitals of five boys, but prosecutors never accused him of sexual assault, or rape. "He has not been accused of rape. Never," Dolan said. "There's a big difference between abuse and assault. It wasn't assault, which is a more egregious crime."

Right. Sure. Absolutely. We definitely would rather be fondled than actually penetrated. Yeah. Touche. Fair enough. But what kind of fucking monster says that? "Your boys didn't really suffer as much as everyone thinks they did. He didn't ass/mouth rape them." Are we wrong? Isn't that pretty much what she said?

Why on earth wouldn't you make a very humble/apologetic/concilatory statement? Why wouldn't you just say uh ... nothing? We know for a fact that when Jesus said, "Suffer the children to come unto me," he didn't have any sick-ass priests in mind.

"Prison Corridor" by *Mark Pennington