Chicagoist: Warning: This Post Does Not Contain Harry Potter Spoilers

guest

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 17:07:10 -0600

In book 7, Mayor Daley takes on a teaching position at Hogwarts. Harry becomes infatuated with the Mayor's blunt style, and immediately seeks office as student council mayor. He easily defeats underfunded Ms. Brown of Hufflepuff and Ravensclaw candidate Doc. Walls, and sets course on running the city. However, soon after he takes office, the Hogwarts transportation system falls into disarray. Unfortunately, Potter is too distracted trying to lure the 2016 "Magiclympics" to Hogwarts that it is never fixed. Finally, prices are raised to 3 Gringotts Shillings, and the citizenry revolt forces Potter to confront the problem. He creates the "repairus" spell, which is perfect except Magic Minsister Albus Magicojevich cannot come up with the funding to make the spell work. Harry blames Voldemort, and continues on his mayorly path.

guest

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 16:59:18 -0600

In book 7, Harry catches a biography of UK frontman Liam Gallagher, the star of 1990's band Oasis. He becomes obsessed with the rock and roll lifestyle, and uses his magic to create Jack Daniels, cigarettes, and cocaine for him and his friends. He spends most of the movie drunk and saying things like "bugger me", 'back of the queue", and "i'm going out on the piss!" However, when Voldemort appears (ably played by Robbie Williams) he really springs into action, creating a Wonderwall which prevents Voldemort from harming Hogwarts. However, eventually the whole country gets sick of the Wonderwall, and Voldemort takes over. Harry tries desparately to make more spells, but discovers his long lost brother Noel is the real creative force in spellmaking. So he begs Noel and his new wife Cho Chan to save the day. Noel creates the Live Forever spell, and Voldemort goes into a deep depression and dies. Weasley and Hermoine leave the group, as they were just filler for Harry and Noel anyway. So now, you know the ending. You are welcome.

StephanieSays

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 16:56:28 -0600

Hey man, some of us take Harry Potter VERY seriously. Calm down. It was a joke. Her life is temporarily fucked up (most of which was her own fault), not ruined (she has very rich parents who are taking care of her), and none of this has anything to do with Harry Potter.

guest

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 16:46:49 -0600

Hermoine marries Weasley and gets pregnant, making Weasley very happy until he finds out Hermoine had an affair "with he how must not be named", which we all know is Valdemort. He storms off with Harry, who is even more pissed because he has been blown off by both Weasley's sister and the chinese girl, and the two of them come up with a magic potion spell that blows up Hogwarts. While the ministry of magic sends all its people to investigage, Harry and Weasley are busy clearing out Gringotts, and are armed with TEC-9's(no magic needed with one of these) to deal with any interference. They take the money, move to LA, and team up with Snoop to create some "magic chronic," which helps Snoop forget he pissed away all the money he made from Doggystyle in 1993. As this is the greatest spell of all, the book closes. In the epilogue, Snoop admits to killing Notorious BIG. So now, you know the ending. You are welcome.

Shannon

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 15:49:20 -0600

StephanieSays: so spoiling the ending of a book (which could have been done by any number of people) is on a par with being a teenage mother out of wedlock twice over? you experienced a temporary annoyance; her life is probably ruined. get some perspective.

Julene McCoy

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 14:36:13 -0600

Couldn't agree more that great story-telling doesn't rely on the "it was all a dream" endings. Nothing makes me more angry or reeks of laziness by an artist. I don't read reviews beforehand - not because of spoilers - but because I don't want to go into a book or a story with any preconceived notions. The last time I read a review before going to a movie was for "Blow" and all I could do throughout the movie was obsess about the wigs that Johnny Depp wore because it had been mentioned in the review. I learned my lesson.

StephanieSays

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 14:29:49 -0600

As a Harry Potter fan, I do agree with you that there should be (and in my opinion, is) more to the book than the plot twists. Does that mean that I want to find out what happens from some socially awkward teenager trying to gain internet cool points for knowing the ending two days before the rest of the world rather than from J.K. Rowling's own writing? No. I have a big problem with sites posting spoilers with no warning whatsoever. What's the point? Let people have their fun. The last HP book was spoiled for me by some 15 year old brat I barely knew who thought she was being cute. Guess what? She had two kids by the age of 18 with some coke-addicted guy that has two other girlfriends. Karma's a bitch.