Extra Extra: "Captions Written by Trained Monkeys" Edition

"'Cause it's Friday, you ain't got no job ... and you ain't got shit to do." Well, you can go check out the New Orleans Social Club at Millennium Park. If you aren't, here's some stuff in the news.

• Buckingham Fountain is slated to undergo a complete overhaul in autumn 2008.
• Near West Side businesses get $1.5 million in TIF money intended for keeping manufacturing jobs in the area.
• Does Manny Flores have the constitution to run against Luis Gutiérrez? He's not talking.
• A picture is worth a thousand words, or the cost of a ticket for running a red light. Stop light camera footage will be available online.
• Bicycle retailers rejoice! CTA officials warn of even worse service cuts and fare hikes next year if the doomsday scenario takes effect.
• Michael Miner airs some of the dirty laundry that led to Creative Loafing's purchase of the Reader.
• Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Illinois threatens to drop Rush University Medical Center from its network.
• The head of the Police Department's scandal-plagued Special Operations Section was replaced Thursday.
• "You're a brave woman, Hixx." Former Chicagoist-a Margaret Hicks and her boyfriend are eatng their way through every salad available at Merchandise Mart.
• Barack Obama may not have a plan for universal health care, but he's got some hops.

"Storm Watch 5" courtesy of sfmoe.