Extra, Extra

We have an idea for how to end unemployment in this town forever. Just introduce everyone to Todd Stroger. He's still a big fan of hooking his pals up with jobs, like Patty Young, girlfriend of Stroger buddy Commissioner William Beavers. Once the Sun Times started sniffing around, Young left her spot in the county purchasing department.

Are Illinois's state tests too easy? Depends who you ask.

Lance Briggs pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor today and was sentenced 120 hours of community service and a $485 fine. That'll teach him not to crash $350,000 cars and lie about it.

Wentworth area detectives put the neighborhood on alert this week after an attempted kidnapping and a sexual assault against a 13-year-old. If you think more cops could solve the problem, don't hold your breath. Alderman Isaac Carothers is asking for 100 new cops to be part of Daley's massive property tax increase; doesn't look likely.

We're in third of fourth place in contention for the 2016 Olympics, according to USOC chairman Peter Ueberroth. Uh...we believe those should be called "bronze" and "lifetime of disappointment" place, Peter. He says we're behind Rio, Madrid and maybe Tokyo. Tokyo does have a pretty logo.

Dwarf crocodiles can spawn well into their 60s. Somewhere, a group of DCs is rocking with an acoustic guitar singing "viva Viagra" while the corpse of Elvis weeps.

We could all use a little Party Cab, p2wy