Chicagoist: Tax, Hee

Ward Up

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 20:05:10 -0600

$100 tax for each time--at any zoning hearing or community meeting--that a developer uses talks about the need for "progress" or "improvement" of a site. That tax shall be doubled when the developer has donated more than $2000 in the past year to the local alderman.

guest

Sat, 13 Oct 2007 17:54:53 -0600

And, as Guest #10, I'm properly ashamed to have misspelled "illiterate".

guest

Sat, 13 Oct 2007 17:52:51 -0600

I agree with all of the above, except for the tax on "douchebag". Starcrunch may have found a good revenue opportunity, but I get the feeling we're all going to need the word "douchebag" a lot in the coming year. I'll certainly get whacked if that passes. I think that a $2 per person surcharge should be imposed on out of town Cub fans who (a) take the El; (b) cluster in a large clueless horde on the platform right by the elevator or stairs; (c) move like a large clueless horde into the car right by the the elevator or stairs; (d) stand right in the door of said car, apparently unaware that the car has a middle. This summer, I was embarassed, as a lifelong Chicagoan, to observe that Cardinal and Brewer fans appear to have a better handle on taking the CTA than suburban Cub fans do. Another excellent tax: charge Richie Daley a buck every time he publicly says "ev-ey" instead of "every" and "on-ey" instead of "only." We'd get the iliterate douchebag's salary back by April, which would be cool, because he never earns it. (Sorry, Starcrunch, I'll send the City $1.50)

starcrunch

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 16:18:04 -0600

$1.50 tax on the word "douchebag" $10 tax for not moving to the back of a crowded bus (there's SEATS back there sometimes!) $35 for every time you say "this is my last winter in Chicago" when it gets cold $50 tax on ironic mustaches and/or sideburns

twopennykid

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 15:50:26 -0600

A $50 tax for standing on the left side of an escalator, preventing those that want to walk up from doing so. A $100 tax for balking at entering a revolving door as someone else is coming out, thereby reducing flow through the door. This one will, of course, hit suburbanite visitors the hardest.

Tankboy

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 15:41:26 -0600

All of the above are worthy taxes, in my opinion.

guest

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 14:10:39 -0600

A $2 tax on use of the word "hipster"

guest

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 14:03:31 -0600

$5 every time a cyclist ignores a 1) stop sign 2) stop light 3) one way

Ferdy

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 13:59:06 -0600

A $5 tax on every Chicagoist commenter who suggest critics of the city "love it or leave it," and an extra $5 if they suggest the critic is from Schaumburg or Naperville.

Tankboy

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 13:40:36 -0600

$15 tax for every asshole passing on the right at a stop light. And a $25 tax for every thing someone driving a Hummer is doing. So if they're talking on their cell, balancing a Starbuck's cup and a McDonald's Sauasage and Egg biscuit while dialing up directions on TomTom there's an easy $100 right there!

Dan Boland

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 13:14:28 -0600

a 10 cent tax on every lawn chair you use to reserve your dug-out parking spot Make it $10 if you use a box of detergent.

Laura Oppenheimer

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 13:02:11 -0600

$.10 every time someone who doesn't know anything baseball puts on a Cubs hat and exclaims how much they love "the cubbies."