Any Time is Good for Airing Grievances
When it comes to celebrating holidays inspired by sitcoms, we're of the mind that we can air grievances whenever we damn well please. There have been a lot of you around these parts who have been causing us to run for the Maalox more than usual this year. Now it's our turn to get some things off our chest. So sit back and take it, and don't let us see you cry; it'll only make things worse.
White Sox General Manager Kenny Williams: After a 90 loss season, we expect big moves to help improve the White Sox. Instead, you whiff on signing Torii Hunter, Miguel Cabrera, Kosuke Fukudome (to the Cubs), and World Series cult hero Aaron Rowand. Even with Orlando Cabrera at shortstop, you're team is weak up the middle, you lack a leadoff hitter, and the middle of your lineup isn't getting younger. The World Series window of opportunity? Closed.
New Tribune Owner Sam Zell: Now that the "Deal from Hell" has been signed, you're looking at the possibility of selling corporate naming rights to Wrigley Field? Even White Sox fans think that idea is blasphemy.
Cicadas: You came back with a creepy vengeance after a seventeen-year slumber, with all the attendant hype attributed to a plague. and, except for a handful of far south and northwest side neighborhoods, you left Chicago alone. See you when Chicagoist turns twenty.
The Chicago Transit Authority: We're just beating a dead horse at this point, but we have to include our most complained-about institution.
Da Bears: After appearing in the Super Bowl XLI, we thought you had a chance to win Super Bowl XLII. Currently at 6-9 and out of the playoff hunt, we are utterly disappointed with this season that started with such high hopes.
Bears linebackers/baby daddies Brian Urlacher and Lance Briggs: If you don't want your private lives dragged through the papers, don't ride bareback.
His Elective Majesty, Mayor Richard M. Daley: It's good to be the king, except when your subjects keep asking for better transportation, accountability for the actions of police, and affordable living in the city and you give us pipe dreams of Olympics, more trees, and a "see no evil" demeanor. By the way, where's the TIF money going, your Honor?
Drew Peterson: For making Craig Stebic look well-adjusted, by comparison.
Governor Blagojevich: Your petulance and absenteeism in Springfield makes us long for the days of George Ryan.
Pizzerias with wood and/or coal-fired ovens: For proving that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. You're the new sushi bars of 2007.
"Guest": What can we say about you that adds absolutely nothing to the conversation?
Creative Loafing: We understand as the Reader's new owners you're in a peculiar position. But allowing John Conroy and Harold Henderson to be laid off still sucked.