Top Chef Chicago Re-cap, Week 5
By L. Stolpman in Food on Apr 10, 2008 2:35PM
Holy DRAMA, Top Chef fans - the chefs go Jerry Springer on us this week! Let’s tuck in and dive in!
Antonia and Zoi complain about being at the bottom of last week’s elimination challenge. Zoi says, “[I'm] trying not to be irritating..” Oh, wait, no…she said "irritated." Whoops. Girlfriend Jennifer again sings Zoi’s praises. We get it. You love her. In fact, if Jennifer wasn’t shown pimping out Zoi, we might not even know who she was since she’s got middle-of-the-pack-itis and is about as boring at Manuel. But previews beg to differ! Let’s see if she finally drops her blob this episode.
Quickfire Challenge: Guest Judge Ming Tsai is here. We have a brief "Yan Can Cook" moment before realizing that it’s not Martin Yan – which, let’s face it, would be horribly entertaining. Lisa is so excited, she didn’t wash her hair. It’s the palate test! Padma yanks out a blindfold and holds it up. For that brief moment, Jennifer forgets her love for Zoi. Padma could make a person forget his or her love for Jesus, so no one can blame poor Jennifer who will, most likely, have more time to look at Padma in the weeks ahead than she will Zoi.
The chefs will taste a pair of items. One will be all Dean & Deluca and the other will be more neighborhood Dominick’s. They must tell the difference. We see a scene in which Dale says he’s “boughten” a lot of caviar. Oy. He chooses the skid row caviar. Maybe he’s been boughtening the wrong kind. Bottom of the heap: Stephanie. Ryan and Jennifer get honorable mention which prompts Zoi to whine. Classy. Winner is: Antonia!
Elimination Challenge: They will be cooking for the Meals on Wheels Chicago Celebrity Chef Ball. The chefs must create the first course. The chefs split into four teams to create a first course inspired by one of the theme elements of the evening: earth, water, fire, and air. The teams conference to plan their menu, shop, and begin cooking in the (former) Marshall Field’s kitchen.
Team Fire (Stephanie, Lisa, Dale): Dale and Lisa butt heads on the menu while Stephanie plays line judge. Lisa wants to do Asian food so she can knock off Ming Tsai’s pants. Stephanie swoops in with a menu idea that Ritalins Lisa…but not for long. Then she pitches a chefit in the kitchen. They serve: grilled shrimp with pickled chili salad, deviled aioli and miso smoked bacon. Padma likes it and the table agrees, seemingly dismissing Colicchio’s concerns about a spicy first course ruining the diners’ palates.
Team Water (Richard, Andrew, Mark): Fish cooked in water is the plan for Team Water. Richard is in charge of the salmon. They’ll be doing a sous-vide poached wild salmon with faux caviar, parsnip puree and watercress salad. Richard turns on some serious pimp action with Colicchio during the kitchen visit. At service, Ming ends up with a mouthful of salmon scales. Colicchio looks like his piano student just sh*t on the bench. He adds that sous-vide + salmon = the yuck.
Team Air (Nikki, Ryan, Jennifer): Team Air serves duck breast with citrus salad and pomegranate prosecco aperitif. Nikki declares it quality and says it should be nowhere near the bottom. Immediately, both Gail Simmons and Ming Tsai note that the duck breast has not been scored and the duck fat has not been rendered. Colicchio hates the “small drink” idea.
Team Earth (Antonia, Spike, Zoi): Spike wants Antonia to take a bit of a backseat to deciding the menu as her neck isn’t on the line. He wants to make a butternut squash soup. Antonia says, "Okay...if you're stupid." Cut to shot of Spike wearing some wicker-weaver-basket baseball cap. WTF. The don't do soup and, instead, their menu includes beef carpaccio with wild mushroom salad, and sunchoke aioli. The judges declare it bland and Gail practically spits out the rosemary.
Judges’ Table: Team Fire is called in by Padma and despite all the menu wrangling that went on, their dish is declared the best. Stephanie made great shrimp, Dale did the acid marinated sliced chilies and Lisa did the miso-maple bacon. The Ming-chosen winner gets a trip for two to Italy. Nice! Winner is: Lisa! Stephanie claps cordially and Dale sneers a little and says, “She made *bleeping* bacon and she gets a trip to Italy?” We’re not dirty-Lisa fans but let’s face it, she did more than just slap some pig in a pan.
Team Earth and Team Water are called to the Judges’ table. Zoi is practically Norm at Cheers in front of the judges for possible elimination. Richard plays stupid regarding scales left on the salmon. Colicchio declares the parsnip puree to be like nipples on a man: completely useless. Predictably, the judges complain about seasoning to Team Earth. Zoi then gives a sermon on the mount about how much she really likes seasoning. In fact, last spring break, she spent it seasoning things. She just loves it. And Gail stops her cold by saying the rosemary was overwhelming. Zoi looks pinched.
Back in the Glad warehouse, the chefs start in on each other while the judges evaluate. In the end, Padma asks Zoi to pack her U-Haul and go. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, Zoi, and you're wearing Milkbone underpants. Cut to Spike scolding Antonia (rightly so, actually) about how they should have made soup. Jennifer enters the fray and seems to lob one at Spike who declares, “So f*ckin’ what?” This does not go over well. Spike invites Jennifer to cry over Zoi’s elimination “all night long” and not in a way that evokes memories of Lionel Richie. Somehow, we then cut to Dale grabbing his junk and dropping his blob about Lisa’s complaining. Jennifer then does an incredibly un-classy, immature, temperamental, two year old stunt and kicks a chair, collapsing it to the ground. Learn to control yourself, Jen, because that just made you look stupid.
Coming up: Grilling out and bathing! Let's hope Lisa is involved in the latter.