April 10, 2008
Top Chef Chicago Re-cap, Week 5
Holy DRAMA, Top Chef fans - the chefs go Jerry Springer on us this week! Let’s tuck in and dive in!
Antonia and Zoi complain about being at the bottom of last week’s elimination challenge. Zoi says, “[I'm] trying not to be irritating..” Oh, wait, no…she said "irritated." Whoops. Girlfriend Jennifer again sings Zoi’s praises. We get it. You love her. In fact, if Jennifer wasn’t shown pimping out Zoi, we might not even know who she was since she’s got middle-of-the-pack-itis and is about as boring at Manuel. But previews beg to differ! Let’s see if she finally drops her blob this episode.
Quickfire Challenge: Guest Judge Ming Tsai is here. We have a brief "Yan Can Cook" moment before realizing that it’s not Martin Yan – which, let’s face it, would be horribly entertaining. Lisa is so excited, she didn’t wash her hair. It’s the palate test! Padma yanks out a blindfold and holds it up. For that brief moment, Jennifer forgets her love for Zoi. Padma could make a person forget his or her love for Jesus, so no one can blame poor Jennifer who will, most likely, have more time to look at Padma in the weeks ahead than she will Zoi.
The chefs will taste a pair of items. One will be all Dean & Deluca and the other will be more neighborhood Dominick’s. They must tell the difference. We see a scene in which Dale says he’s “boughten” a lot of caviar. Oy. He chooses the skid row caviar. Maybe he’s been boughtening the wrong kind. Bottom of the heap: Stephanie. Ryan and Jennifer get honorable mention which prompts Zoi to whine. Classy. Winner is: Antonia!
Elimination Challenge: They will be cooking for the Meals on Wheels Chicago Celebrity Chef Ball. The chefs must create the first course. The chefs split into four teams to create a first course inspired by one of the theme elements of the evening: earth, water, fire, and air. The teams conference to plan their menu, shop, and begin cooking in the (former) Marshall Field’s kitchen.
Team Fire (Stephanie, Lisa, Dale): Dale and Lisa butt heads on the menu while Stephanie plays line judge. Lisa wants to do Asian food so she can knock off Ming Tsai’s pants. Stephanie swoops in with a menu idea that Ritalins Lisa…but not for long. Then she pitches a chefit in the kitchen. They serve: grilled shrimp with pickled chili salad, deviled aioli and miso smoked bacon. Padma likes it and the table agrees, seemingly dismissing Colicchio’s concerns about a spicy first course ruining the diners’ palates.
Team Water (Richard, Andrew, Mark): Fish cooked in water is the plan for Team Water. Richard is in charge of the salmon. They’ll be doing a sous-vide poached wild salmon with faux caviar, parsnip puree and watercress salad. Richard turns on some serious pimp action with Colicchio during the kitchen visit. At service, Ming ends up with a mouthful of salmon scales. Colicchio looks like his piano student just sh*t on the bench. He adds that sous-vide + salmon = the yuck.
Team Air (Nikki, Ryan, Jennifer): Team Air serves duck breast with citrus salad and pomegranate prosecco aperitif. Nikki declares it quality and says it should be nowhere near the bottom. Immediately, both Gail Simmons and Ming Tsai note that the duck breast has not been scored and the duck fat has not been rendered. Colicchio hates the “small drink” idea.
Team Earth (Antonia, Spike, Zoi): Spike wants Antonia to take a bit of a backseat to deciding the menu as her neck isn’t on the line. He wants to make a butternut squash soup. Antonia says, "Okay...if you're stupid." Cut to shot of Spike wearing some wicker-weaver-basket baseball cap. WTF. The don't do soup and, instead, their menu includes beef carpaccio with wild mushroom salad, and sunchoke aioli. The judges declare it bland and Gail practically spits out the rosemary.
Judges’ Table: Team Fire is called in by Padma and despite all the menu wrangling that went on, their dish is declared the best. Stephanie made great shrimp, Dale did the acid marinated sliced chilies and Lisa did the miso-maple bacon. The Ming-chosen winner gets a trip for two to Italy. Nice! Winner is: Lisa! Stephanie claps cordially and Dale sneers a little and says, “She made *bleeping* bacon and she gets a trip to Italy?” We’re not dirty-Lisa fans but let’s face it, she did more than just slap some pig in a pan.
Team Earth and Team Water are called to the Judges’ table. Zoi is practically Norm at Cheers in front of the judges for possible elimination. Richard plays stupid regarding scales left on the salmon. Colicchio declares the parsnip puree to be like nipples on a man: completely useless. Predictably, the judges complain about seasoning to Team Earth. Zoi then gives a sermon on the mount about how much she really likes seasoning. In fact, last spring break, she spent it seasoning things. She just loves it. And Gail stops her cold by saying the rosemary was overwhelming. Zoi looks pinched.
Back in the Glad warehouse, the chefs start in on each other while the judges evaluate. In the end, Padma asks Zoi to pack her U-Haul and go. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, Zoi, and you're wearing Milkbone underpants. Cut to Spike scolding Antonia (rightly so, actually) about how they should have made soup. Jennifer enters the fray and seems to lob one at Spike who declares, “So f*ckin’ what?” This does not go over well. Spike invites Jennifer to cry over Zoi’s elimination “all night long” and not in a way that evokes memories of Lionel Richie. Somehow, we then cut to Dale grabbing his junk and dropping his blob about Lisa’s complaining. Jennifer then does an incredibly un-classy, immature, temperamental, two year old stunt and kicks a chair, collapsing it to the ground. Learn to control yourself, Jen, because that just made you look stupid.
Coming up: Grilling out and bathing! Let's hope Lisa is involved in the latter.
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Maybe he’s been boughtening the wrong kind.
Now THAT'S funny. (damn, I just peed on myself again).
L. Stolpman -- I have stopped DVRing this show in favor of reading your deliciously entertaining recap! Love your writing!
In Russia, caviar boughtens you!
Okay, I'm sorry - you know, I really have a problem. Thank you for the comment, frp. ;)
-L♠
Well, aren't you sweet, frp! :) I think next week, we should all head to a local bar and take over their big screen and watch it. Thank you for the kind words.
-L.
Woooo, Zoi is gone. Every time she was in front of judges' table she looked like she was going to cry and her whining was intolerable.
In the preview for the next episode it seems like Jen is blaming Spike her Zoi getting booted and I don't get that.
Do that L. And then no one will show up and then Chicagoist won't say a word about it. It's actually awesome.
They could have made soup if they wanted, but like the judges said, it wasn't the choice that got them called out, it was the fact that the carpaccio sucked.
The WWF ending made the whole episode. That and the look on Team Water when asked what the hell the parsnip was for.
Zack - I agree! I don't quite get why Spike is getting Jen's anger instead of Antonia. Maybe she doesn't know the whole story - or maybe she's just angry at him because he's the other one who could have gone, instead of Zoi. But the whole thing didn't make total sense. I thought the editing was odd because it wasn't entirely clear when Dale decided to jump in.
GL - Yes, Team Water looked totally stumped at why there were being asked about the parsnip - and since Mark made it, it was a little like asking him, "What was the point of your contribution?" He definitely looked surprised.
Wow, am I the only one who thinks Spike was way way out of line here? Like Chef Tom said, it wasn't the decision to do carpaccio that landed the team in the bottom; it was their failure to do it correctly. Who says Spike's soup would have wowed the judges or been completed any better? It may have sounded better in hindsight, but the execution of the dish is everything on this show. A lack of proper seasoning can ruin anything. Also, soups haven't gone over like gang-busters with the judges in previous seasons of this show. Spike has proven to be a complete ass (which is entertaining to a certain degree), and I bet it is only a matter of time before he goes the way of the dodo.
I love this show, more for the cooking / challenges, than for the drama. However, at the end of last nights episode, I was cracking up.
"Lesbian MAD!!! Lesbian SMASH CHAIR!!!"
Ahh... Lesbian separation anxiety, you never cease to entertain me.
Was it just my mood, or did none of the dishes this week look that exceptional?
Also, where are they buying those STUPID hats from? I've seen better hats on re-runs of Blossom.
I understand that in order to succeed as a chef you probably need a pretty hefty ego, but some of these guys just seem over the top. It even goes back to the previous episode where they were ripping on the wasabi/white chocolate combination. Don't rip on it unless you have tried it.
Honestly, I thought Richard should've been sent home last night for serving his dish of poached scales. But this is a TV show, so you know they chose to keep him around because his ceiling is much higher. At least his golden child aura has been shattered.
Stephanie appears to be alone at the top of the power rankings now.
I don't think Spike was out of line... Antonia should have taken a back seat since she was immune. But Spike is still a tool. No hat could save him from that...
And I agree the editing of the 'drama' was a bit weird... Dale's tirade seemed to come out of left field... but I think Lisa must have made some remark they left out, since he was targeting her.
I'm glad to see Zoi go, though. She was a whiny little biatch.
Smokes, "re-runs of Blossom." Beautiful, and well said.
Also, with regard to the lesbian separation anxiety, Jen's reaction was all the funnier after Zoi said that she was glad that they were on the show and could show that couples could still be "professional." Indeed.
ad - I think you're right in that soup certainly wouldn't have guaranteed them a win. I think Spike is complaining more about how Antonia didn't sit back and let the two of them decide what to do, with little input from her (Antonia) because she had immunity. So, who really knows how the soup would have done - but I do think that Antonia could have cooled her jets a little. I may have indicated that I meant the soup issue but that'd be my bad - I totally agree with what you've said and I actually wondered if Colicchio would say, "You served us SOUP?" You never know with the judges.
Smokes - You read my freakin' mind. Lesbo-drama! Now in HDTV!
Zack - Good point. You know, the only completely modest person we've seen if Stephanie.
ThisGuy - I think Richard (who is obviously a fantastic chef) was probably scared to death to see he'd made such a dumb mistake. I was annoyed watching him play dumb about it.
Dave! - Amen to all you said.
ChicagoD - I thought the same thing! I thought, "So much for being professional..." because they had done a pretty good job up until then. Hm, you think Jen could kick Spike's *ss? That might be a good fight.
Stop dinging Manuel. He seemed to be a middling chef but contrary to your opinion of him as being bland, I felt he stood out because he conducted himself with grace and professionalism. I realize it's easier to seize on outsize egos as being more "interesting", but the reality it that dignity, earnestness and taking responsibility for one's actions are rare traits in a society dominated by loud, self aggrandizing blowhards who are celebrated just for being tools. I'd be interested to hear someone articulate precisely why any of the other chefs are more interesting.
Yeah, you make a good point, usagiyojimbo. I ding Manuel for being not terribly interesting but really, who knows how the editing was, etc. Frankly, he probably just wasn't an ego-ass, like you say. I did think his exit was absolutely professional and spot on classy. And I'd probably rather be his dinner guest than Andrew's or Spike's, any day.
It's probably more accurate to say that the other chefs are more interesting to watch because of their trainwreck ego status, but that Manuel is probably a more interesting of a person for his ability to be passionate about something in a dignified manner.
Good point and well taken.
-L.
I don't think Spike was out of line either. . I think she really did say "There's no way I'm doing soup." And better to call her on it in person, rather than bitch about it all season and bring it up at the last judges table in Hawii (AHEM the anti-Marcels of our past). She should have taken the backseat. . but if she said "Won't do it" they should have said, fine, we're doing it, you figure out what the heck you wanna do with $50 that's yours.
And, I think Zoi looks like she's gonna cry all of the time b/c her hair is pulled to tight.
Man, get rid of all the nancies that serve mediocre food and bitch and yell and kick chairs. . .and let's have a competition with the real chefs. . .you know the ones that weren't involved in all of this that keep winning. . .Even note, Richard took the fall and didn't blame anyone else, he was hating on himself and admitted he deserved to go home. . .Perhaps the others could learn a lesson.
I was disappointed by the poor execution all around. The judges didn't get much chance to touch on the conception of the dishes -tying them to their given element.
I wanted the air team to do a mousse or something, y'know, airy. I thought this would have been a (rare) good time for a foam.
I really want the show to be about who did best rather than fighting over who did worst.
I'm with Iamgray, get rid of the riff raff already.
If it weren't for my crush object and the fact it's all taking place in Chicago (and the challenges are EXCELLENT this year), this would be my least favorite season of Top Chef.
ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING HATS! I'm predicting someone is gonna whip out a derby by season's end.
Plumbum... I am totally there with you on Chicago being the setting is the main drive of why this isn't my least favorite season.
Something else I totally spaced until a friend reminded me: What's up with the editing this season? The quickfire was impossible to follow!
They must have hired the same person to oversee editing as they did to oversee the headware.
@smokes -- Padma (an old Hindu word meaning stoned or baked or shroomed out) is probably behind the weird editing; she must be editing video while completely blasted on some good shit from India, or Pakistan, or some of that Afghani Red, dood.
Lamgray - Dork that I am, I re-watched it and, in fact, Antonia said she'd so a soup. She said something like, "If you want to do a soup, I'll help you do a kick ass soup." Something like that. But she certainly made it clear she didn't want to do a soup.
I agree - Riff raff needs to go.
Pencil - I noticed the same thing. Last week, they were so particular about the movie connection and this week, the theme was sort of an after-thought. As soon as they said "air", I thought of Marcel and someone doing a foam.
Plumbum - Agreed, not loving this season. *sigh*
Smokes - Yeah, the quickfire was very scattered. We only got short glimpses of what was going on and it was pieced together so oddly. And the fight at the end was very oddly put together, as well.
frp - I shouldn't love you for that, but I might. ha!
L. Stolpman -- Of COURSE you love me! ;>
Loving the commentary! I'm also a Chicagoan / blogger / foodie who's thoroughly enjoying this season so far. Partly because I totally stalked them last fall when they were filming, hee hee. Juicy bits and spoilers are up on my blog, thirdcoasttoast.blogspot.com.
Also, totally agree about the Padma being chronically wasted bit. It's a known fact that she LOVES to drink (anyone remember the "breakfast" challenge last season? alcohol spiked smoothies?) - and this was confirmed to me when TC3's Dale was my waiter at Sola last fall. He said that the judges often go to judges table a little drunk, which makes it all the more funny to watch!