Drinking With Drew

By Karl Klockars in News on Apr 11, 2008 5:56PM

For those of that'll be staying at home tonight, curled up on the couch with a nice chardonnay and some bonbons, the Must-Cringe TV is Drew Peterson's appearance this evening on Larry King Live. Now, in a perfect world, we'd never know a thing about Mr. Peterson and he'd be going about his normal life as a Bolingbrook cop, and his wife du jour would be alive and well. However, we're not privy to that magical land of rainbows and sunshine.

Rather, this is an attempt to sell America on Drew Peterson: Family Man and Lonely Dad. Peterson has hired a PR agency, presumably to try to better his reputation amongst the many who have already tried, convicted, and executed him in their own minds. And this can't help - just yesterday, Peterson's relative, Walter Martineck testified to a grand jury about moving a "large, sealed rectangular plastic container" that he was afraid was Stacy Peterson's body.

Whether or not tonight's show will make a lick of difference in anyone's brain remains to be seen, but that hasn't stopped us from coming up with our own patent-pending Drew Peterson Drinking Game! After the jump, our rules for imbibing along with Mr. Peterson's appearance. Feel free to add your own!

Here's what we've got so far:

Any mentions of his children or family: 1 drink.
Any unprompted mention of an ex-wife: 1 drink.
At the top of the show, does Drew have a mustache? 1 drink.
Full beard? 2 drinks.
Completely cleanshaven? 3 drinks.

Any inappropriate jokes from Drew: 2 drinks.
Drew laughs: 1 drink.
Anytime Joel Brodsky, Drew's lawyer, interrupts Drew: 1 drink.
Drew saying "I can't answer that." 1 drink.
Any mention of "warm to the touch." 2 drinks.

Any mention of a blue barrel: 1 drink.
Larry King mentioning any of his multiple wives: 3 drinks.
Any caller from a Stacy or Kathleen Savio family member taking on Drew: Waterfall for the length of the call.
Drew admitting any guilt on national television: Chug. Hell, bathe in it.

All right, your turn.