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How big an age difference is too big an age difference when it comes to dating? At what point does it go from "hey, he/she's responsible and mature!" to "hey...if he/she's so responsible and mature...why are they pursuing someone, say, eleven years younger?"
Let's pretend that 11 is a hypothetical number...the way this is a hypothetical question.
What is it that Cosmopolitan (or whatever) says? Subtract seven from your age and double that number to see how old of a person it's socially acceptable to date? So we're 32, so we could date a 50-year-old. Or a 23-year-old. Neither of which really appeal all that much to us on the surface, but who are we to argue with such an exact science as that obviously is. Oh, but the 23-year-old and the 50-year-old? Hands off of each other!
Honestly though, whatever works for you, that's our steadfast philosophy, assuming everything's legal, of course. It's fairly obvious but it's worth repeating -- if you click with someone and have a good time with that person and are sexually attracted to that person, who the hell cares about ages?
OK, sure. You have the world's perception to worry about, and the 50-year-old who is dating the 23-year-old often looks just wrong from people's viewpoint who are nowhere near the relationship at all. Clearly the 50-year-old is having a midlife-crisis and the 23-year-old is a gold digger. They obviously have nothing in common and are simply escaping from their real lives, and it will never last. Right?
Maybe, maybe not. We figure, if you feel strong enough with the person you want to date and strong enough with your perception of yourself, you'll be strong enough not to let the world's eyebrow raising hinder your relationship. Because we think that regardless of how anyone else perceives you guys, if you let them get to you it really will affect your relationship negatively. So to recap -- remain confident, have fun, and do what makes sense to you.
Image via Beatnic
Aging fast? Need some advice? Email ask(at)chicagoist(dot)com.
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What does this question have to do with Chicago?
And how are you qualified to give relationship advice? Are you some kind of social worker?
VOIR DIRE!!!
It has to do with Chicago because Chicagoians date. And it's a legit dating question. And it was sent to "Ask Chicago." By a Chicagoian. Chicago.
chicagoian? you must not be a chicagoan then.
i thought it was a fun post. its relevant to the younger people, or older people that date them, that would be reading chicagoist anyway. i was hoping for something more savage love inspired, but thales gives great advice!
Hey a-hole. I meant to say that all other Ask Chicagoist questions have been about the city of Chicago i.e "Where can I do this?" or "What does this mean?" questions; not bland, retarded questions that I would read in the Red Eye.
Have you been to Margaret Lyons Camp? Because this is her EXACT rationale for everything on this site: We don't report on McCain because he isn't from Chicago, but we will do column after column on Google and the Oscars because people IN CHICAGO USE GOOGLE AND WATCH THE OSCARS.
Fall in the river.
I thought it was helpful, to the extent that I now know how much younger I can date per Cosmo...
peteypants-
haha- point taken. chicagoan. i like to cram as many vowels into my words as possible, clearly...
as a product of a marriage with 14.5 years of age difference, i whole-heartedly support this post!
It's not so much the absolute age difference as it is the actual ages of the individuals. For example, there is quite a difference between two people who are 15 and 30 than there would be between two people aged 40 and 55. In each case, there is the same 15 years difference.
All I have to say is...
...where the older women at?
i've always heard the silly rule is 1/2 your age, +7. so like, i'm 27, so 13.5 + 7 = 20.5 is the lowest age i could date.
makes sense to me, although it's incredibly arbitrary.
Bedpan by that accounting a 90 year old man's lowest dating age is 52. Weird.
My number is 21ish. I have no interest in dating someone to whom legal drinking is a new-fangled idea.
Mine's 17.
Looks like Spav still gets to go to senior prom this year...
Wouldn't that make you only 20? Use a fake I.D. to get into Sheffield's?
Pinko:
You are becoming increasingly obsessed with me.
I am 24.
12 + 7 = 19
Just watching the clock and counting the minutes till I can bust outta here. On days like this, I've become increasingly dependent on your acerbic wit for distraction...
Having visited the Viagra triangle (by accident, of course), I think this appropriate for Chicagoist.
I didn't say that was my math.
17 is just my cut off age. Arbitrarily decided.
Has a car? Check.
Toned from highschool sports? Check
Not OVER toned from immasculating competitions at Equinox? Check.
Doesn't say fucked up shit like "I had such a long day, I can't" when I try to have sex with you twice in one night? Check
Is crazy grateful? Check
17 is the PERFECT age, if it is a dude.
17 for a girl and the dude is 24 or 25? That is creep-tastic.
Spav, I am 7 years older than my boyfiend. And let me tell you - you and me? We're on to something.
I hate 'rules' like this. Who is anyone to tell me who I can or cannot, should or should not be with?
Although I do have say that the comment "Doesn't say fucked up shit like 'I had such a long day, I can't', when I try to have sex with you twice in one night"....to me that kind of implies that you're young and energetic and the one who is claiming to be too tired is old and lethargic.
I have some experience on this subject as I was dating a guy young enough to be my son recently and I've got to say that he was the most lethargic I've ever experienced...sexually speaking.
It was a pretty disappointing experience and made me realize that being young doesn't necessarily mean that you have energy and creativity.
This number stuff is so arbitrary as to be ridiculous. I see boys at my son's high school with receding hairlines and paunchy stomachs. I see their future sitting in front of a tv on a barcalounger with beer can permanently in hand.
There is no perfect number. There is only what is perfect for you and what is perfect for me, and those are probably two waaaaay different things.
Spav...You're insane! You said fucking was in one of your top 5 things earlier. It's been awhile since I had a 17 year old in bed, but from what I remember, they don't know jack.
spav,
this might be one of the times we agree. Younger men are definitely the way to go. I'm not sure about a 17 yr old, but those college freshmen? yum.
And Mary Sunshine is AMAZING in the sack.
So yeah... listen to her.
I fall for Spav everytime I see her call someone an a-hole and then tells them to fall in a river. sigh.
@ez:
In your honor, I am going to start commenting on LAist.