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Put Down Your Nanowrimo And Leave The House
Sox Shuffle Continues
We'll let Mark Simmons get in his shots at Padma and company this week. Watch enough reality television and you have a sense of who's leaving at the beginning of the episode. As bad as many of you wanted to see Lisa be the one packing her knives last week, we knew that Mark was leaving as he was scraping his razor across his face; apparently in Middle Earth they teach men to shave against the grain. He may think that Tom "hates" him, and is you can translate what he said about Art Smith at the 1:05 mark, please do (we can't speak Hobbit). Mark's weakness - besides being obscenely tall for a Baggins - was having an uncanny ability to take simple dishes and make them hard: see his duck a l'orange from the premiere. It may work in the Land of Shire, but not in the Top Chef kitchen.
Last week's theme was simple, fast and cheap. From Uncle Ben's microwavable rice to making a meal using ten dollars at Whole Foods - and who does Bravo think they're kidding there? - Mark failed. As we get ready for the wedding reception episode this week some are feeling the pressure (Stephanie, who's been taking some lumps the past two weeks), while others (Antonia's bad ass sweeping the quickfire and elimination challenges) are starting to peak as the numbers dwindle. How does it shake up the power rankings? Read on.
1. Dale (last week – 1): Still solid in competition, still wanting to parboil Lisa, still atop the rankings.
2. Richard (last week – 2): Felt his biological clock ticking with Art Smith's Common Threads kids last week, proving he's more feminine than Jennifer.
3. Antonia (last week – 5): Much as we're rooting for Steph, Ms. Lofazo she has the goods and the confidence to win this competition, winning both the quickfire and elimination challenges.
4. Stephanie (last week – 3): Is she starting to suffer from front runner syndrome? Or will she take a cue from Antonia and say "Fuck it."
5. Andrew (last week – 5): We don't want to know about his boners, culinary or otherwise.
6. Nikki – (last week – 9): Surprising showing last week.
7. Spike (last week – 7): Meh.
8. Lisa (last week – 6): Personality goes a long way, which explains her landing at near the bottom this week.
9. Mark (last week – 5): Why he went home instead of Lisa (regardless of her strong showings in recent weeks), we have no idea.
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I think he says, "Art likes...Art, uh...Art Smith seems to like broccoli."
Does this mean I speak Hobbit?
That or you have more patience for the New Zealand brogue than I.
I don't know WHAT is happening to my girl Stephanie, but if she doesn't seriously bring it this week, I might be switching to the Dale Team. I mean, yikes, girlfriend has been pretty awful for the last two weeks.
What's the over/under for Lisa getting booted soon? One episode? Two episodes? More? If it's set at two, I'll take the under.
But, I'll take the over if it's two more episodes for her to wash her hair.
I actually found myself holding my husband's hand and praying that Lisa would get the boot. . .so she could land a deal with Salon Selectives . . .Hey, if Jessica Simpson scored an ad campaign with "Chicken of the Sea" anything is possible.