Get A Free Slurpee Today

Sweet zombie Stalins, it is hot as balls today. But it's also July 11, which means free Slurpees! All the new-fangled flavors—Monster Black Ice? Radiation Rush? Slurparita Pomegranite?—make us feel about a billion years old, and we kind of wish the store locator would tell you which Slurpee flavors that store sold, but hey, a free slurps is a free slurps.

Everyone knows the best Slurpees are combos. I'm partial to a cherry/tangerine blend, but other Chicagoistos go for 1/4 cherry, 3/4 coke, or cherry and piña colada.

And to combine two of my favorite things, Slurpees and yo mama jokes, behold: Your mom's like a 7 Eleven: Open all night, hot stuff to go, Slurpee for a dollar! I was so into that Slurpee joke in days gone by that my grandma made it into a birthday card for me. That is how much I like Slurpees and yo mama jokes.