Bank Robber Bespoiling Fake Mustaches

A man wearing a fake mustache has been robbing banks on the North Side, and the FBI is asking anyone with information to call (312) 421-6700.

Thanks a lot, "Groucho Bandit," for taking a good thing and using its powers for evil instead of awesome. I freaking love fake mustaches. I want this Tom Selleck cake, and this mustache key holder. And this no-longer-available mustache mirror. I like mustache Wednesdays. I have purchased both this little plush mustache and analso no-longer-available "stache pillow." (They were gifts.) Fake mustaches are hilaaaarious. Especially on babies.