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Put Down Your Nanowrimo And Leave The House
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Heaven knows we love our food and have been accused of eating at a clip that puts nearby fingers in jeopardy. But we're pretty sure we're going to be put to shame this Saturday when Jimmy John's offers up three of its fastest sandwich makers to see if they can make subs faster than the sandwiches can be eaten. Of course, they won't be eaten by just anyone.
These will be inhaled by Patrick "Deep Dish" Bertoletti, ranked second in the world in the competitive eating circuit. The guy once ate 21 pounds of grits in 10 minutes. We kid you not. (Ed. Note: More impressive — or repulsive, depending on POV — is the 177 pickled jalapeno peppers Bertoletti wolfed down in fifteen minutes at a 2006 competition).
Also eating as fast as Jimmy John's can make them will be Tim "Gravy" Brown (pictured, left), who was a candidate for the Major League Eating Rookie of the Year in 2007. You've got to eat a lot of mashed potatoes to get that kind of nickname, folks.
If you want to take in the action, head to Taste of Lincoln Avenue (SE corner of Altgeld Avenue, between Fullerton and Wrightwood) this Saturday, July 26th, where the competition will begin at 3 p.m. Oh, and....bring an appetite.
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Given how fast they make sandwiches at the Jimmy Johns I go to in the loop, I am thinking that this guy will probably be fine. 21 pounds of grits? You gotta be kidding me.
If anyone out there watches competitive eating, I have an honest question that is absent of snark: What is the appeal of this activity? Honestly, I don't get what is entertaining about it*. Any insight would be appreciated.
*I never got the appeal car racing or golf either, but have known enough fans of those sports that at least I understand the appeal for some.
Archie - I kid you not. I can't imagine what his stomach must have looked like after that.
Matilda - I'm not sure what the appeal is other than to be a bit amazed at how much someone can manage to fit in their body in a short amount of time. But yeah, I don't quite get it. Of course, I've never seen it before live so I'll let you know after Saturday. heh.
I can't say I have watched it much except for the Hot Dog eating contest at Coney Island one time, but I get the fascination. I think it is because we all think we have a point of reference, since we all have been extremely full at some point from a particularly large meal (Thanksgiving.) But a guy who can eat 20+ lbs of grits, 100+ pickled jalepenos, 50+ hotdogs, etc., is mind-blowing because it is totally incomprehensible and dwarfs any meal that has left us stuffed in our lives. It isn't something that I would enjoy watching, but I can't help but to be amazed by the sheer quantity of food consumed.
What is even crazier is how NOT fat the people who consistently win these competetions are.
That's because people with higher metabolisms can eat and eat and eat and never seem to gain weight.
My brother is 70 pounds lighter than me and can eat like twice as much. That prick.
This nonsense makes me queasy.
First, there's the simple waste of food. It's sickening that people are going to go hungry tonight, in Chicago not some far off land that can be ignored by the masses, and we've got eating contests where people consume till they vomit.
Second, it's bullcrap in terms of "rules". Dipping your hot dog in water? Yeah, I know I can't have a dog without a nice dip in some evian. There's a new one for Hot Dougs.
It's a grotesque and idiotic display.
I hope for choking.
@matilda -- This same principle (at least for me) also applies to the appeal of televised poker events. I find competitive eating contests a bit more appealing that poker events merely from the "car-wreck" school of thought.
And, I'm curious to see who's faster -- the JJ sub-makers or the eaters. You've got 3 sandwich engineers to 2 food black-holes. I'll take the over (SEs).
I've met a bunch of competitive eaters. I saw a Bacci's pizza eating contest maybe four years ago now? It was fucking hilarious, but gross. Ungh.
I met Sonya Thomas, the little Korean lady, who won that day, and a bunch of other people.
I even drove some of them back to the city afterwards!
Honestly, I think it's crazy and gross, but somehow really funny.
Matilda,
I am with you on this, but I do have to say that there is an episode of Malcolm In The Middle where Hal and Lois enter a kielbasa eating contest that is hysterical.
There will be a third eater tomorrow - Patrick "Wham Bam!" Vandam, who beat Brown in the Nathan's qualifier this spring (31 hot dogs in 10 minutes). So that's three black holes going up against the sandwich makers.
I've asked Stolpman and Marcus to bring tape recorders and cameras to document any regurgitation that may occur.
Did you know that regurgitation is known as "Reversal of Fortune" by the official eaters referee?!
I have a feeling I may get a little...er, queasy.
Ingrid - I can only imagine what they did with a kielbasa eating episode.
The Meteorologist - Reversal of Fortune. Oh man, that makes me want to hurl my fortune.
"I can only imagine what they did with a kielbasa eating episode."
Uh, they, uh, ate kielbasa?
I'm just sayin'.