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We're somewhat taken with the idea of Joe Six-Pack American: a normal guy who works like us, drinks like us, and does normal guy things like us (watch too much TV and take anti-cholesterol medication, for example). With a little more character development, Joe could become our 21st century Paul Bunyan -- a symbol of American strength and hard work, but maybe with a Labrador Retriever instead of an ox, a khaki shirt instead of a plaid flannel one, and a laptop for an ax.
Problem is, we can't visualize Mr. JS-PA, because Sarah Palin didn't fill us in on the details regarding his appearance. That's where you come in. Tell us: What do you think Joe Six-Pack American look like?
Does he:
- Have a bushy beard, or a Todd Palin goatee?
- Wear "sneakers," or construction boots?
- Drink "normal-sized" (16-20 oz.) sodas, or go for whatever size ends in "gulp"?
- Have a neck tattoo?
- Carry a Bible, or a copy of Playboy?
Offer your ideas in our comments section, and Lauri will paint a composite portrait using the best suggestions. The results will be posted on Friday.
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1. Definitely NOT washboard abs. His "six pack" is in his hands and not on his abdomen.
2. Some sort of team baseball cap. Doesn't matter which team. A little dirty.
3. Some sort of facial hair: beard, moustache, goatee. Hair on head is not unruly but could use a trim. Grooming takes away from valuable beer-drinkin' time.
4. Plaid work shirt or t-shirt with some corny, unfunny saying on it ("Who Farted?")
5. Jeans or Dockers. Dockers are his "goin' to church" pants.
6. Construction boots with cement splatters on it. If he's an office "Joe Six-Pack", plain dress shoes bought from Target.
7. Reads the Sun-Times
I think that Palin's idea of Joe Six Pack and my idea of Joe Six Pack are probably two different things.
Her JSP would be a right winged,moose huntin', sno-machine ridin', fur wearin', Ay-rab fearin', 'fuckin' red-neck and proud of it' kind of guy.
-Copy of USA Today tucked under his arm
-No Playboy, he's a "Swank" guy.
-Cubs hat with a carefully bowed brim.
-Crocs, 'fer the weekend'
-Rush on the radio, Glenn beck on the tv, drudge online.
Just use any picture from the Smoking Gun's weekly mugshot roundup. I am sure there will be plenty of inspiration there.
I think the real debate here is:
"Is Joe Six-Pack a Bro?"
I think No. Joe Six Pack has at most 2 years of community college or H-VAC school. Bro's go to DePaul and major in Finance.
* White Sox fan.
* a bit over weight but not grossly so.
* Brown hair, masculine cut but not from a salon.
* Blue jeans.
* Found at sports games, frequently shirtless with some letter on his body.
* Doesn't have a wedding ring on his finger.
They are called gym shoes in these parts, not sneakers.
gulp-size sodas. likes eat everything in large sizes. so he loves his gulp sodas, his foot-long subways, his combo meal at mcdonalds. Actually the six-pack encapsulates all this. Stealth's description is perfect.
His stare is just kind of an empty stare, not really thinking of anything. Unless if something shiny comes his way.
I'd say my idea of Joe Six-pack is probably more like Palin's; ie this guy I used to know when I was growing up.
He had a Grizzly Adam's beard, probably weighed 300+ lbs and had an entire cyote that he had made into a hat. (the head was in front, legs front and back on either side of his ears, and the tail sort of dangled down the back) Also, he drove the zambonie....
But the Chicago version? Probably more of a frat-boy type.
The unending debate: is Joe 6-Pack more Larry the Cable Guy or is he more Dane Cook?
I think he pretty much looks like Vince Vaughn, talks like Steve Dahl and is always pissed at his girlfriend for talking to other guys.
Heads up: He looks BROKE and WORRIED about the future.
He looks like "Al" from Home Improvement.
Tankboy,
That's actually kind of complicated...I'd want to say that Palin's JPS is Larry the Cable Guy, but she might want him to be Dane Cook because he's hotter.
I'd want him to be Chris Stevens (Northern Exposure). That's my JPS....down to earth, blue jeans and flannel shirt, but a cerebral nature loving guy who loves music and isn't afraid to get his hands dirty.
O.K. I'm gonna try and play nice with this one, but it looks like Lauri Apple and Sarah Palin's idea of Joe Six Pack are about the same. Figures
Yea you can have your "Paul Bunyan", I'm going with John Henry, especially as portrayed by Colson Whitehead in his brilliant book "John Henry Days"
I take my hat off to the few logical voices in this cyber room for having wherewithall to argue with a bunch of "regular american joes" at the corner bar with Monday night football mentalities.
Heads up: He looks BROKE and WORRIED about the future.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
It's very interesting what people considering "American." Interesting and sad.
"He looks BROKE and WORRIED about the future"
yea Kaonash but he will still vote for McCain cause he's more worried about them Queers and his guns!
yea interesting how certain people still mythalize "him" just like they do Reagan. Hey Fed Up you've been wishing for more conservative/middle of the road chicagoist writers, looks like you got your wish