A Rather Anti-Climatic Account Of World Pillow Fight Day

12:50 p.m.: Sit down to breakfast of champions - sausage/egg/cheese bagel with tater tots.

1:20 p.m.: Save remainder of tater tots for post-battle nourishment.

1:40 p.m.: Remove pillowcase from weapon of choice. Do not want bedding subjected to warfare.

2:11 p.m.: One block from fray. Begin to remove pillow from bag; clocked in the head by asshole behind me. Take high road; let fury boil beneath surface in anticipation of real fight.

2:13 p.m.: Arrive. Note photographers outnumber fighters. Take pictures before tearing in.

2:18 p.m.: Temporarily blinded by feather.

2:20 p.m.: Continue joyful manifestation of rage.

2:25 p.m.: Cops accuse participants of causing disturbance; disperse crowd. Overhear an officer angrily note cost of cleanup. Doubt cleanup will occur. Have visions of potholes.

2:32 p.m.: Contemplate hilarity of informing parents of pillow-related arrest. Almost return to scene. Realize too poor to make bail.

3:01 p.m.: Return home. Begin arduous task of removing feathers from hair and clothes. Fairly certain process will likely take longer than fight itself.