ATM Found In Woods Near Joliet

An abandoned and "mutilated" ATM machine was discovered some woods near Joliet. Authorities have not determined - but are investigating the possibility - that it might be the ATM machine stolen with ninja-like stealth from Millennium Park last week. Officer Robert Perez of the Chicago Police Department News Affairs Office told the Sun-Times, "We don't know if this is connected to the one they found." Honestly, we hope this ATM machine - which was "cut open with a cutting torch and was in several pieces," according to police - isn't the Millennium Park one. It'd be such an amateurish, disappointing conclusion to a pretty nifty heist (again, not that we condone stealing an ATM machine).