"Ask Amy" Doles Out Some Terrible Rape-Related Advice

By Karl Klockars in News on Dec 2, 2009 9:40PM

I'm no nationally syndicated advice columnist, but advice on rape seems to be pretty cut and dry. If something happens sexually that you don't consent to, that's rape. So why has the Tribune's advice columnist "Ask Amy" Dickinson completely failed at giving what should be a simple answer to a saddening question? It all started in Friday's Trib with a question from "Victim in Virginia":

Dear Amy: I recently attended a frat party, got drunk and made some bad decisions. I let a guy take me to "his" room because he promised that he wouldn't do anything I wasn't comfortable with. Many times, I clearly said I didn't want to have sex, and he promised to my face that he wouldn't.

Then he quickly proceeded to go against what he "promised." I was shocked, and maybe being intoxicated made my reaction time a bit slow in realizing what was happening. We were soon kicked out of the room by the guy who lived there, who was pretty angry. I guess my question is, if I wasn't kicking and fighting him off, is it still rape? I feel like calling it that is a bit extreme, but I haven't felt the same since it happened.

Am I a victim?

Seems like an easy answer, right? The facts as presented are as follows: "Victim" was misled by a predatory individual, and forced to do sexual things that not only did she never consent to, but specifically said she did not want to do. Seems pretty simple, doesn't it? You won't believe where Dickinson takes this - after the jump.

So where does the fault lie in this situation? To Amy Dickinson, the problem starts with "Victim" herself:

First, you were a victim of your own awful judgment. Getting drunk at a frat house is a hazardous choice for anyone to make because of the risk (some might say a likelihood) that you will engage in unwise or unwanted sexual contact.

Look, we've all been guilty of making jokes about fratboys and their drunken ways before, just like most of the rest of humanity. But for someone who is in the position of a professional advice-giver to make the suggestion that getting drunk at a frathouse makes you partially deserving of having a sexually predatorial act committed on you is really a vile thought. Even thought "Victim" has copped to what she calls "bad decisions," it doesn't matter - you never blame the victim.

Amy then tries to make the point that the guy might have been drunk too (doesn't matter) and Amy herself shies away from actually calling this a rape situation. I'll let the fine people at The Sexist (with a h/t to Beachwood for pointing me toward their piece, and Jezebel has a take on it as well) completely tear apart those two points.

The finale is the absolute kicker. After rightfully bringing RAINN into the conversation and properly suggesting that "Victim" see a counselor, she drops this bombshell of a consideration:

You must involve the guy in question in order to determine what happened and because he absolutely must take responsibility and face the consequences for his actions, just as you are prepared to do. He may have done this before.

Yes: Ask the person who raped you if he thinks he actually raped you. As though the outcome of that conversation would ever be along the lines of "Yep, you're right. Seems like I date raped you at a frat party. My bad!" To make a couple parallels, would anyone ever advise someone who's been battered by their husband to ask him if he thought he was being abusive? Or to ask someone who's been molested if they thought they were just a little too sexy when they were 8 years old?

Amy's schtick has always seemed to be the harder-edged no-bullshit version of the Victorian-era "Dear Abby," and if that's what she's going for then there's nothing wrong with that. And admittedly I've enjoyed her appearances on "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me." But if she thinks she's being the "tough but fair" advice giver by equating some of the blame to the assaulted and by thinking that it's actually a good idea to leave any part of this decision up to the person who committed the assault...well, there's another word for that. And you don't need to be a licensed and board-certified counselor to know that that word is "stupid."

Photo via USAToday.