The Magically Ridiculous Political Advertisement That Could Have Been

By Karl Klockars in Miscellaneous on Jan 27, 2010 10:00PM

We've kept you abreast of the ads that Andy Martin has been broadcasting in his attempt to pluck the Republican primary slot out of the hands of Mark Kirk. We introduced him to you when he called Mark Kirk gay. You wondered how low the race would go when Martin called Kirk a "de facto pedophile."

And you can imagine how surprised we were when Martin's next couple of ads, which you can hear below, simply went back to Kirk's moderate voting record and accusations about his military service. It was almost disappointing. We were really looking forward to the depths that could be mined from rumors, half-truths, extrapolations and pure political conjecture. It could have been awesome; it would have been damn near performance art.

Since we're not content to wait around and hope that some other random Republican is going to fire another fruit-loop shot across the bow of the Kirk campaign,* we've decided to take matters into our own hands.

So without further ado, the political braintrust of Chicagoist Strategies Incorporated are proud to present the following (completely satirical, tongue-firmly-in-cheek, please-don't-sue-us) " campaign ad that could have been."

If any other campaign wants us to slap together a last minute ad buy for you, Chicagoist Strategies Incorporated accepts only cash or "favors." Remember - the primaries are just days away, but there's still time for you to go unbelievably negative. Call us!

*FWIW, that's a naval reference, and Mark Kirk is in the Navy Reserves. Meta!