Today in WTFP (In Which the "P" Stands for Politics)
By Karl Klockars in News on Feb 4, 2010 10:00PM
Three men enter. One man leaves. Remind us why anyone would want to be Governor of this state again?
Whew! Usually when the primaries are over, we get a few days of rest before the campaigns kick back into gear. But it's already been a busy day in Illinois political news for a number of reasons, which we will quickly burn through here. Since there's so much to process, it's best to break it down into bite-sized, easily digested chunks.
WTF, Scott Cohen - First and foremost among the Gubernatorial stories from today, your Democratic candidate for Lt. Governor has apparently, in his past, brought a knife to a whorefight. If we've said it once, we've said it a thousand times - if you've ever been accused of pulling a blade on a hooker (even if she is your girlfriend), think twice about your political ambitions. Or at least make sure they'll never find the body.
WTFG*, Pat Quinn - We'd tell Scott Cohen to eff off and go home, too.
WTF, Blago - The embattled Hairdo just got a little bit deeper into the puddle of shit today, as he's been indicted anew on charges of racketeering, attempted extortion, and conspiracy to commit bribery, among others. This is all basically a cover-your-ass indictment in case the Honest Services charges get shot down by the Supreme Court, but it serves as a good reminder that we'll get to a trial here one of these days. Blago's lawyer du jour, Aaron Goldstein, said this doesn't change their strategy, which has always been to stick their fingers in their ears and say "la la la you can't convict me you can't convict me" anyways.
WTFG, ILGOP - It's nice to know that, after months of staying consistently on message that your opponent is a know-nothing incompetent moron who will ruin this state if elected, that we can all come together and hug and say "it was all a bunch of shit all along, right guys? We're all equally incompetent!" A nice unity breakfast is a beautiful idea, but you don't expect us to believe that you all really like each other, right? Especially when you all still want the nomination?
And we mentioned Dan Hynes conceding, right? Yeah, it's been a busy day.
*Way to effin' go.