Today in Scary Food: Alcoholic Whipped Cream

By Anthony Todd in Food on Jan 5, 2011 8:20PM

We are always wary of any alcoholic product that was neither fermented nor distilled. When that product involves dairy, we get downright terrified. And when its domain name is "givemecream.com" it becomes official: we're grossed out. Cream, an alcoholic whipped cream topping, ranks up there with popcorn fish and fake wine as one of the worst products we've seen recently. We noticed Cream in the Trib, but looking back in our inbox we find that Cream had popped up before. In honor of National Whipped Cream Day (yes, we're serious) we have to stand up and speak against this insanity.

Cream isn't the first entry in this category - ""Whipped Lightning" was already on the market last year. But Cream seems to be making a bid for trendy stardom, with a variety of flavors and glamorous pictures of attractive women squirting whipped cream into bowls. The attempt to infuse sex appeal into the product is disturbing. Cream is available in six "passionate" flavors, it offers "grown-up benefits" and the company invites you to join the "cream team." Hell no. OC Weekly pointed out that Cream "rusts in air," turning brown after a few minutes of exposure and "tastes like hairspray," and could probably be used as an inhalant and a cocktail at the same time.

It's not that the idea of alcohol and cream bother us. Many classic cocktails involve that combination. But this stuff is shelf stable for up to 12 months and doesn't list ingredients. If you want to use whipped cream in your cocktails, make it at home - it's simple and easy. Plus, it doesn't require you to join the cream team.