Play The Drew Peterson: Untouchable Drinking Game
By Samantha Abernethy in Arts & Entertainment on Jan 17, 2012 8:00PM
As you know, we’ve been looking forward to seeing Drew Peterson: Untouchable, the Lifetime movie adaptation of the still ongoing saga of the Bolingbrook cop with disappearing wives. It’s based on the 2008 book Fatal Vows: The Tragic Wives of Sgt. Drew Peterson by Joliet Herald-News reporter Joseph Hosey, and we're interested in how the deals with that source material—a story we've watched unravel for years
The Tribune says the movie "throws the book at Drew Peterson." The Sun-Times wrote that the movie “captures his personality but takes some liberties.” If by “personality” you mean “being a douchebag,” then yeah, we can see that working out. Peterson himself said the movie trailer featuring the line "I'm untouchable, bitch," was, “hilarious”, and his lawyer Joel Brodsky said the movie “is not reality; it’s entertainment.”
As the Tribune writes, “But Lifetime, by and large, makes movies for women, about women -- cautionary tales about loving toxic men and enduring bad things that happen to kids.” When you put it that way, it seems there’s no better way to depict Drew Peterson than as a terribly cruel antagonist in a cheesy Lifetime movie. We all know there’s one thing he is definitely guilty of: Being a dick. The Tribune writes:
What was horrible about the Peterson saga was the way the man's public buffoonery -- the fifth fiancee, the proposed radio-show dating contest, the Blagojevich-like need to appear on TV -- threatened to obliterate the memories of two women. Peterson pulled on clown shoes, and the absent mothers of four children slid into the background.
So is it successful? The reviews are conflicting. Richard Roeper at the Sun-Times writes:
Even with the foreboding music, even with the talented actresses playing Kathleen and Stacy (Carla Buono and Kaley Cuoco, respectively) doing their best to seem terrified when feeling threatened by Drew, there’s not a single moment in the movie that conveys any real sense of the terror allegedly brought down by Peterson. When a next-door neighbor finds Peterson on her driveway, working her garage door opener and hissing, “I’m untouchable, bitch,” it’s an instant classic of unintentional humor.
Well, that sure does sound like any Lifetime movie to us. Then again the subject matter is the only thing drawing us to watch this movie. We polled the staff and very few of us would admit to having willingly, soberly watched a Lifetime movie.
Join Chicagoist and Do312 at the Liar’s Club on Saturday, and we can decide if the movie is just campy or over-the-top to the point of being offensive. And to get us all through the Lifetime movie stereotypes, here is a drinking game. Let us know in the comments if you have one to offer. In the meantime, check out the latest trailer and movie stills from Drew Peterson: Untouchable and RSVP for Saturday's event.
The Undrinkable
Drink 3 to make Rob Lowe look like Rob Lowe again.
Drink 2 just for that terrible mustache.
Drink 1 for each commercial featuring a feminine hygiene product.
Drink 1 for each unnecessarily dramatic musical crescendo.
Drink 1 for each mischievous laugh.
Drink 1 when any actor tries not to laugh while delivering an absurd line.
Drink 1 each time it’s obvious the movie wasn't filmed in Chicago (i.e. palm trees).
Drink 1 for any stock shot of Chicago.
Drink 1 for each terrible Chicago accent.
Drink 1 when someone with an accent stops using it.
Drink 1 every time Rob Lowe says "literally," then try to pretend he's Chris Traeger.
Drink when there's a "walk and talk" a la the West Wing.
Chug when someone calls him "Big Daddy."
Chug when Rob Lowe is naked.
Take a shot when he says those three little words, "I'm untouchable, bitch."