Chicagoist's Guide To Proper Dibs Protocol

By aaroncynic in News on Dec 9, 2013 7:20PM

Chuck Sudo/Chicagoist

Sunday's snowfall was barely a dusting by Chicago standards but that didn't stop some folks from grabbing sawhorses, empty milk crates and whatever else they have on hand and saving their parking spots in the time-honored tradition of "dibs."

I have both a love/hate relationship with dibs. I completely get why people hate it (and I have some of the same criticisms) but at the same time, I'll pull dibs when needed.

One can never tell exactly why someone grabbed dibs, so that creates a weird situation of assumptions. Personally I grabbed dibs the most back when I worked out in Joliet, because no one wants to leave the spot they spent two hours cleaning the previous night and two hours on the expressway only to come home to have to do it again in a nearby location.

To help make this winter, which is shaping up to be a cold one, as stress-free as possible, here are some pointers for calling dibs on a parking spot.

- There's no reason to grab dibs on a spot if there's less than three inches of snow on the ground. One can pull in and out of a spot with under three inches of snow—probably four—without much effort.

- If you're pulling out of a space in the morning and can make it out easily but it's still snowing and the forecast calls for more while you're going to be out for the day, throwing down dibs isn't a bad idea. You're more than likely going to be shoveling that spot out when you get back, so you may as well mark your territory.

- If you're shoveling just to get your car out of a spot, pulling dibs is well worth it, considering if your spot gets snagged you'll probably be doing the same thing a few feet from where you did it in the morning.

- Proximity is a factor. If you're on your block, you're fine. But if you're already three blocks away, there's no point in doing it; you'll probably find a space closer to your house when you're pulling back in.

- Keep your dibs until the streets are fairly clear and the snow is mostly melted. If it has been two to three days since the last snowfall, there's no more snow in the forecast and no one's shoveling, it's just pointless and pretty lazy to keep your dibs going.

Preferred items:

• Lawn furniture (broken, if possible) you don't really care about. You're going to stand a pretty good chance at losing it one way or another, between people who either don't like/respect the system and either move your shit out of the way, the City sometimes grabbing stuff and folks who just outright grab your shit from the street and repurpose it in their homes.
• Empty boxes (or anything made of cardboard) aren't going to be enough—folks will either run right over it or just throw it out (plus wet paper doesn't make for a stable structure).
• Funky shit looks really cool and people definitely will think twice before (and probably chuckle at) moving a leg lamp or giant velvet Elvis painting propped between two chairs, but if it's really nifty, it'll probably get stolen.

- Finally, don't snake someone's spot. People get really confrontational. Personally I've had my spot snaked multiple times, dibs stolen, etc. and while I might get cranky I've never done anything because I'm only kind of a jerk. I've seen folks have their cars keyed or damaged otherwise—I had to stop someone from doing this once. Some people straight up fist fight over it. It's just not worth it. On the flip side, if your dibs get snaked, just curse about it, use that energy to clear another spot and let it go. We're all already cranky because of the winter, no point in making it worse.

You can also refer to this handy dibs threat level chart.