New 'Study' Says Chicago Is The City With 'Most Heartbreak'

By Lisa White in Arts & Entertainment on Feb 10, 2014 10:40PM

This Friday marks that big holiday for love, the one that helps maintain a career for heart-shaped candy box makers around the world. Or as I like to call it, the day before a bunch of chocolate is 50 percent off at CVS. Maybe we’re a bit more sarcastic about the mushy stuff since Chicago ranks number one on a list of cities with the most heartbreak. In a recently published survey that looked at average length of marriage by state, number of available dating services, the Gallup-Healthways well-being index and the CDC’s 2012 data on gonorrhea, Chicago ranks number one as the city with the most heartbreak. Granted, it’s a study done by a company called Credit Donkey, so we’d say it is safe to take this information with a grain of salt. But if you are single and need a reason to drink on Friday, feel free to cite this dismal report.

Validity aside, there is some interesting figures the study brings to light. If by interesting you mean depressing. Like according to U.S. Census data, the national average for how long a marriage lasts is 19.4 years. A diamond might be forever but a ring on it might last less than 20 years. On the flipside, you now know what the odds are to beat as a couple if you want to be above average. Apparently the average duration of a failed marriage in Chicago is 21.3 years so we’ve got a small leg up on the rest of America? And we’re not sure how the number of dating services in a city leads to more heartbreak, since the weirdos on Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid are a worldwide problem. Sure, we get a “meh” score for our well-being index but what would you expect from a city that hibernates for a good amount of the year and has some of the highest taxes in a nation? It’s rough here, but we tough it out together. As far as the gonorrhea data, just remember to wrap it up and get tested if you want the best possible option to keep away from that sort of heartbreak.

Overall we think our fair city bounces back from heartbreak pretty well. We’ve got a somewhat corrupt government and the Cubs to help us practice our methods of rebounding. Single or taken, we hope you spend Friday night enjoying a nice meal, a strong drink and appreciating whatever love you have in your life, whether it be from yourself or others.