The Onion Really Wants To Swim In Their Neighbor's Pool

By Stephen Gossett in News on Jun 29, 2016 8:07PM

Photo via Craigslist

Our friends at The Onion have a profound case of swimming-pool envy, it seems, as the satirical-news greats took to Craigslist on Tuesday to plead with their neighbors for a dip in their luxe high-rise pool. And it may just pay off.

The Chicago-based humor site posted in the General Community section of the classifieds website, pleading for a dip:

"We are The Onion, and our office is right next door to your building. Every single day, we look out our kitchen window and gaze longingly at your pool. Indeed, it's been an in-joke in the office for years now on nice days where we look out and see one solo person lounging on the deck, and we cuss you out, jealous.

What would it take for you to let some of us over there to use your pool? We could just dip our feet in, or we could just hang out for like 10 minutes to take some pics w/ these Emoji pool floats someone is sending us.

We've been trying to contact you guys for years, but it hasn't worked out. We've put big signs in our windows and everything, and no one's ever hit us up. Please, won't you be the one that changes that?

Also, if you let us in, you can come hang out over here. We have about 100 staffers, and we have Whiskey Friday happy hours every single week w/ beer and food and all sorts of stuff. It's kind of fun!"

They're serious about those emoji poop floats, too:

You really have to admire that kind of persistence.

Now, AVClub Music Editor David Anthony says he has indeed secured access. We just love a happy ending.