While we highly recommend that you check out Paper Machete every single Saturday you are able, we doubly recommend tomorrow’s event because former former Chicagoist editor-in-chief Margaret Lyons will be making an appearance. Also expect to see Jon Langford playing music, Susan Messing doing improv and lots of other folks showing off their respective talents. Check out a full 'We Dare You To Love" line-up for more details.
Paper Machete: We Dare You to Love
Paper Machete: Live Magazine and Parlor Show
Take a handful of clever journalists and comics, ask them to write funny pieces about current events and culture, and put them in front of an audience at a bar. What do you get? Paper Machete, the "live magazine and parlor show" hosted by former Time Out Chicago theater editor Christopher Piatt, of course. Although the show runs every weekend, we say tomorrow's the night to see it because former Chicagoist editor-in-chief Margaret Lyons is on the lineup. She may or may not be asking the audience to guess if she's reading lines from ABC's The Secret Life of the American Teenager or Dan Savage's "Savage Love" sex-advice column. We were sold before we heard the other performers. (Ed. note: Seriously, Margaret is hilarious. She alone is enough reason to go.)
Adopt Arthur!
Uno the Beagle day was earlier this week. Well, today's Arthur the Beagle Day (more like afternoon, but potayto, potahto). What's Arthur got that Uno doesn't? He can be yours! You can adopt him or another pooch on Saturday at the Petsmart in Downers Grove.
Diet of Worms Not Available at Applebee's, Despite Couple's Best Effort
A couple planted live worms in a salad at an Indiana Applebee's in order to get a free meal. Guh-guh-guh-gross, and holy crap, at least go someplace expensive if you're going to carry around "a plastic container of maggot-like bee moth worms." The staff at the restaurant discovered the scam when the woman accidentally left her purse behind after she and her dining companion "loudly complained she had found worms wriggling in her salad after the two had almost finished eating" and walked out on a $57 tab. A waitress was looking through the purse for ID so she could contact the bag's owner when she found the bugs. She called the cops. Again, we say gross. [CBS 2, image by deyboblue]
New Attempt to Legalize Medical Marijuana in Illinois
Is Illinois heading towards legalized medical marijuana? State Senator John Cullerton (pretty website!) hopes so. He's sponsoring a bill that the Senate Public Health Committee approved 6-4 yesterday. A similar measure failed in the Senate last year, but try, try again.
Missing Wisconsin Woman OK
Sumei Hu, the Wisconsin woman who disappeared from O'Hare a few weeks ago, contacted her family to let them know she's OK. Police have ruled her disappearance a "voluntary absence," and say that Hu is "fine."
Map Quest
Thomas Jefferson was good for lots of stuff, but Midwest state naming? Let's just say "Assenispia" isn't quite as catchy as "Illinois." This 1784 map shows Jefferson's proposed divisions of the land that eventual came our beloved region. From the amazing Strange Maps:
Weather Providing Cold, Lecture Topics
You know winter has fully set its icy claws into your heart when you hear "35 degrees" and think "hey, I'll take it!" So run outside now to soak up some rays while they last. It's supposed to get cloudy this afternoon and snow a little tonight, with temperatures dropping the rest of the week and into the weekend.
12 Angry Men 1 Angry Woman
If you don't want to spend time in a courthouse for jury duty, here's a little tip: Don't make a bomb threat instead. That's a pretty much guaranteed way to spend yet more time intimately involved with the criminal justice system. But no one told Addison resident Toby Owhoka, who placed a call to the Jury Commission in DuPage County yesterday, complaining that she didn't want to sit on a jury.
Ron Huberman, De-Gumming Your World One Bus Seat at a Time
CTA President Ron Huberman, quickly becoming our favorite public official, unveiled an epic improvement plan for the CTA yesterday. Whew! The 75-page .pdf outlines his plan, though questions like "where will this money come from" remain.
Sumei Hu Still Missing
Sumei Hu, the woman who disappeared from O'Hare on Feb 26, still hasn't been seen or heard from, but her husband Steven Frash went on Greta Van Susteren's show last night to explain--or, not really explain--what happened.
Little Plastic Baggies To Be Banned?
The latest weapon in Chicago's war on drugs may be banning the little plastic bags some drugs come in. No, really. Alderman Robert Fioretti wants to restrict the sale of "self-sealing plastic bags under two inches in either height or width."
FBI Looking for "10-Second Bandit"
Ten-Second Bandit: It's more than just your high school nickname. In fact, it's the FBI's moniker for two different area bank robbers, one of whom is in prison. The other, current 10SB has been holding up local banks, demanding money within...well, you know.
Uno the Beagle Day: How We're Celebrating
Today was supposed to be Uno the Beagle Day in Illinois. But Uno is stuck in St. Louis due to inclement weather. We feel you, Uno--flying into Chicago this time of year is a risky proposition.
Eight CPS Students Shot Over the Weekend
Eight Chicago Public School students were shot this weekend, three of whom died. So far, 17 CPS students have died from gun violence this school year; last year, 27 students died as a result of gunshots. That was a tragic high, and this year is on pace for the same number of young people dying--Mayor Daley? How's that gun control stuff going? Mr. Governor? We know you want to build a new building at NIU, and that's great and everything, but children in Chicago are being murdered. Frequently. Maybe there's something we could do about that, too.
Man Lands Plane on Golf Course So Son Can Play Tennis
Hey, dad, can you give me a ride? Oh, you want to be a brief media sensation? Then yeah, a ride in your plane is cool, too.
Extra, Extra
Make your own Obama logo. This isn't an endorsement. Think of this more as a challenge. Get creative.
Pilgrim Baptist Never Got Blago's Promised $1 Million
Governor Blagojevich promised $1 million to help rebuild Pilgrim Baptist Church after it burned down in 2006. But church officials say they haven't seen a dime, and even Blago's office admits the money went to an unrelated school that rented space from the church. They were sticking with that story until other local politicians jumped in to call Blago a liar and an opportunist, at which point our governor said he'd find another $1 million to actually give to the church.
Warm Weather a Total Tease
Yesterday's high temperatures felt miraculous. But they're not going to last. There's a 40 percent chance of snow tonight and a 60 percent chance tomorrow. [National Weather Service]
New CTA Card Machines Will Accept Credit Cards
Finally! The CTA is introducing new machines that let you buy transit passes with your debit or credit card. Welcome to the future, CTA! By "the future" we mean "the present" or "several years ago." But welcome, nonetheless.
Dorothy Tillman Arrested, Says Police Used Excessive Force
Former alderman Dorothy Tillman was arrested over the weekend in Alabama. She was charged with criminal tresspassing after refusing to leave an Montgomery hospital, according to the police. Tillman says the cops used excessive force and that she was brutalized.

