Oprah, if you were a cake, and you were starving, would you eat yourself? more ›

Another reason to never go swimming in any body of water in the area: Joliet's D.J. Johnston caught what may be a red-bellied piranha while fishing in the Des Plaines River last week. An expert at the Shedd Aquarium, who studied a photograph of the fish, agreed the fish is likely a piranha as Johnston claims the fish has pointed teeth. Shedd spokeswoman Melissa Kruth says the fish was likely a pet that was liberated by an irresponsible pet owner. "It was probably in someone's aquarium and they let it go...It makes an invasive species. It's bad." Thanks for making us feel better, Melissa. Seriously. We're not ones to get paranoid, but we remember that segment from Planet Earth all too well and piranhas (like the Wu-Tang Clan) ain't nothin' to fuck with. Don't believe us? Check this out (not for the faint of heart). more ›

Gaaah! Pigeons are annoying and gross and everything, but that's terrifying. [Telegraph, AP]
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Ah, the travails of motherhood. Amazing how mothers continue on even in the harshest of environments: a jungle, a desert, or an alley in Albany Park. One opossum wouldn't let her urban surroundings keep her from her motherly duties of stowing her wee ones in her pouch (they are marsupials, after all). It also happens to be the winner of "The Most Disturbing Pic We've Seen All Week." Safe For Work but NSFTFOH (Not Safe For The Faint Of Heart). Check it out, along with a note from the photographer, after the jump. more ›

Just in case you ever wanted to sleep again, allow us to prevent that with this one phrase: "passed a 9-foot tapeworm." Ah! See you in my nightmares, tapeworm! more ›

But if terrifying vintage dolls aren't your bag, maybe you'll enjoy some old Cubs gum. Never opened! [eBay]
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