Five people were critically injured after two cabs collided in River North Saturday night. more ›

Elotes vendors being shot, greedy thieves getting nabbed, and a new reason not to flash your junk in Orland Park in this weekend's crime roundup. more ›

Terrorists, extortion and pig masks in this weekend's crime roundup. more ›

Goldfish murder, human sex trafficking, drunken snowmobiling and more in this week's crime roundup. more ›

Chicago's criminals have dug out of the snow and are back in business. more ›

• Least intimidating criminal nickname of all time: Tip Jar Bandit.
• A mother and son had some quality family bonding time as they together allegedly held up two UPS delivery drivers on the South Side.
• A man was fatally shot with his own gun Saturday night during a robbery attempt at an Orland Park tanning salon.

• A man was arrested in the Lake View neighborhood Saturday morning after people reported he was running around waving a crack pipe and wearing nothing but a pair of socks.
• A Park Forest veterinarian is facing criminal charges as authorities allege he caused pets' deaths, watered down vaccines, and failed to report dog fighting.
• Who is the one person you really, really, REALLY hope is not a thief? Your accountant.

• An Indianapolis man was arrested in the Back of the Yards neighborhood for his bad wedding dancing. And quite possibly for also sporting a 9mm handgun at the same time.
• A man getting his early a.m. slider fix at an Edgewater White Castle was shot in the knee by an unknown assailant.
• Copper thieves are starting to get creative.

• "Is that you, Pat?"
• Two brothers have been arrested and accused of felony theft and money laundering after they allegedly bought a truck full of $100,000 worth of what they thought were stolen goods. Police also confiscated over $4.5 million in cash from their homes.
• Police say a custody dispute may be the basis for a Westmont man's shooting spree that left 4 dead, including himself and a 6-year-old girl.

• Twenty people in Naperville have been charged in connection with a nationwide FBI sting targeting the prostitution of minors.
• Drug abusers in Kane County are sticking with the classics, as cocaine and pot are the preferred drugs of choice for folks in rehab court.
• A Chicago man, perhaps on his way to Kane County, was arrested in Oak Lawn after cops say they found 77 pounds of marijuana in his car trunk.

• A $5 million bond has been set for a Bloomingdale woman accused of murdering her 4-year-old daughter to keep her out of the Internet sex trade.
• Chicago police on the Southwest Side responding to a suspicious vehicle call had the unexpected discovery of almost $5 million in heroin and cocaine inside.
• Best way to get caught driving drunk: ram your vehicle into a squad car.

• Superman and Batwoman couldn't use their super powers to avoid spending the night in a West Side jail.
• Really adept burglar or really incompetent law enforcement? An Oak Forest man has confessed to over 75 burglaries throughout the southwest suburbs.
• Evanston police and the FBI are investigating death threats against two League of Women Voters officials after they axed the Pledge of Allegiance from a recent debate in Grayslake.

• A Lake in the Hills woman dialed 911 from the back of a squad car to find out why she was being taken into custody. Apparently the three failed field sobriety tests weren't enough of a clue.
• The son of Chicago's "King of Counterfeit" (the "Prince of Counterfeit?") blames his father for luring him into criminal activity.
• Speaking of family businesses...

• A Chicago police sergeant accused of beating a suspect while in custody has been assigned to a desk job while the matter is fully investigated.
• A Dixmoor man received the shittiest gift ever when he was stabbed to death on his birthday.
• "Fast Eddie" Vrdolyak has been re-sentenced after his initial sentence for a kickback scheme was deemed "inappropriate" -- he now will be spending 10 months behind bars.

• A Chicago woman has been charged with child endangerment after police say she left a 3-year-old behind on a school bus.
• Two sun conure parrots stolen from a Batavia pet store join the ranks of an exotic bird crime spree out in the suburbs.
• Paramedics became "somewhat agitated" after a man took off with their ambulance, thinking he could get to the hospital faster than they could.

• Overreaction of the Week Award goes to a Libertyville man accused of clocking two youths with a baseball bat after they ding dong ditched him.
• A word of advice to all you wannabe rock stars out there -- don't try to launch your music career using counterfeit $100 bills.
• And you thought only Chicago aldermen went to jail.

• Hinsdale police are on the hunt for a driver of a black sedan that pulled up to a McDonald's drive-through window, whipped at handful of change at the cashier's face, then drove away.
• And you thought your last date went badly -- a Franklin Park man was robbed by three masked men in the middle of the night after the woman he had been dating let them inside his home.
• Two Chicago tactical officers captured three gang members armed with handguns and an assault weapon, and are being credited with likely preventing a homicide.

• Surely some bad karma in store for the asshat that stole the wheelchair of an Elgin teen with cerebral palsy while she was waiting for her school bus.
• From the "Dumbest Thing to Have on Your Criminal Record" file: A Chicago man was arrested at a house in south suburban Crete and charged with disorderly conduct after he allegedly wouldn't stop ringing the home's doorbell.
• Chicago police are investigating a family's claim that their 5-month-old boy rolled off of a bed and drowned in a bucket of water.

• Note to criminals: If you're using a crowbar and threatening a partially dressed woman while robbing her home of money and jewelry, saying sorry to her isn't going to get you off the hook.
• Whatever happened to the good old fashioned drunken fist fight? A man in Antioch Township was arrested after police say he threw a lit bottle full of gasoline at a man he had an argument with at a bar.
• Police in west suburban Batavia and St. Charles have arrested four people in a string of exotic pet heists including parrots and sugar gliders.

• Speaking of raves, was somebody also planning a rave at the Westfield Mall?
• A Romeoville woman is trying to get her phone back after it was seized into evidence because it contains nude photos of herself.
• Police are still on the lookout for an armed man who attacked a woman Saturday morning outside a church in Burbank.

• Apparently MacGruber passed through northwest suburban McHenry sometime over the weekend.
• Cabbie's defense in pot charge: "Hey, at least I wasn't selling meth!"
• Calm down, ladies! There are plenty of waterfall cardigans for everyone.