We Couldn't Make This Stuff Up

By vouchey in News on Aug 17, 2004 1:33PM

It's true: Chicagoist tends to display its political stripes now and then. But generally we try not to get too brazen, because frankly, politics is not our main interest. So we ask you... Nay! Beg you! Please do not judge us by our reporting on the daily nuttiness of Alan Keyes. When he tees it up, we just have to hit it. OK?

And with that aside, we are trembling with excitement to report that Alan Keyes has finally brought to light some of his most important issues: Slavery reparations, and abortion as terrorism. Yesterday, Keyes proposed that decendants of African-American slaves be given a generation or two of no federal income tax. The Sun-Times also reports that in May, Keyes spoke a Provo, Utah audience about his nuanced abortion stance:

"Now, you think it's a coincidence that on September 11th, 2001, we were struck by terrorists an evil that has at its heart the disregard of innocent human life?" Keyes said in a May 7 speech in Provo, Utah. "We who have for several decades killed not thousands but scores of millions of our own children, in disregard of the principle of innocent human life -- I don't think that's a coincidence, I think that's a warning."

Finally, we just want to point out that Keyes has his campaign website up and running. Looking at it, one just can't help but feel the urgency of his candidacy, especially the second paragraph that reads, "But I'm going to need your help NOW. Please CLICK HERE to donate now!" We love ALL CAPS!!!!