Liquor and Nudity, Apart At Last

By Margaret Lyons in News on Oct 4, 2004 3:48PM

Chicagoist has too many hobbies, apparently, because we had no idea that strip clubs that have to choose between liquor and nudity. "Nudity" isn't a clear-cut term, though, so the Illinois Court of Appeals had to decide if pasties and g-strings are cover-up or not. Oh to be a judge.

Management from V.I.P.'s (neé Crazy Horse Too) is fighting tooth, nail and pubes to keep the club's liquor license after police officers—"who made several team undercover visits to the strip joint—claimed they saw nipples, pubic hairs and anal regions, which they called nudity." (Slow crime day?) Chicago imposed stricter liquor regulations on adult businesses in 1993 because of the relationship between those businesses and prostitution and other crimes. You know, we were going to go to strip club, get drunk, hire a prostitute, and commit a crime, but goddamn—that lack of seeing an anal region thwarted our mission.

The court ruled that the g-strings and latex breast coverings, which, weirdly enough, is the required dress here at the Chicagoist office, didn't provide ample coverage; that is, if you have a piece of floss in your ass, you're still technically, or at least legally, naked. Good to know.

This might sound like a relatively isolated case, but don't be fooled: "Attorney David Epstein, who represents club owners, said, "'If G-strings become illegal at this club, then they'll be illegal anywhere in Chicago and that will pose some major problems.'" Truer words were never spoken.