More Like B-to-the-Arf?

By Margaret Lyons in Food on Oct 5, 2004 2:54PM

Chicagoist can't help but chuckle when big companies try to get down with the young folks, and the Tribune reports today on the latest in what's surely going to be the new cool thing that all the cool companies are doing to be so cool with the coolness. Chilly chilly. Phat. Pimpin.

Ahem. Anheuser-Busch announced yesterday that it will be releasing B-to-the-E, a beer infused with caffeine, guarana and ginseng, and will have an aroma of blackberry, raspberry and cherry. That's so weird, because the last time Chicagoist was guzzling a Bud, we were thinking, "Christ, we wish this tasted more like a yuppie." And now our beer prayers have been answered. Also, exponents are the new hotness; hadn't you heard? Yeah, raise that B to the Eth power, you beer-sluggin', guarana-poundin' mathaholic.

Don't confuse B-to-the-E with Buzz Beer, the joke caffeinated beer from The Drew Carey Show, because seriously, caffeinated herbal beer is not a joke: this is here to stay. Get it? It's not a fad. Our great-grandchildren will jump in their robot-controlled hovercrafts after a long night on Mars sipping some B-to-the-Es, OK?

B^e will be packaged in sleek 10-ounce cans, clearly as a way to compete with Red Bull, which, while nonalcoholic, will still fuck your shit up if you're not careful. We're still waiting on beer popsicles—hello, tasty summertime treat? We'll call it I'm Cool Beer and just get rid of all that extraneous "cool-sounding" schlock. Cut right to the chase. Mmm, beersicles. We're also holding out for beerios, a snackable beer cereal.