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Our 2nd-grade Class Went to a Bog. What a Rip-off.

By Margaret Lyons in Miscellaneous on Nov 4, 2004 7:37PM

6FU; Image: Film FreaksChicagoist doesn't have any children (holla, contraception!), but if we did, we'd want them to know aaaaaall about death. Because what do kids love more than death? Maybe Dora the Explorer, but that's about it. We're moving to Elburn to raise our bloglets.

Second graders in Elburn go on a tour of Conley Funeral Home to learn about death, ritual, and local businesses. They learn about caskets, appropriate behavior at funerals and wakes, grief, and coping mechanisms; they draw pictures; they pretend to be pall bearers.

Yeah, it's a little out there, but it's probably not a bad idea to talk to kids about death and dying, and to help them not get too freaked in a funeral home. Fuck, we get the creeps just watching Six Feet Under, so maybe if we'd ever set foot in a funeral home without getting the mad heebie jeebies, we'd be better able to deal with grief and loss. Haha, just kidding, there's only one way to deal and that's with copious amounts of drugs and alcohol and frequent anonymous sex. And you cannot teach kids about that until like, fourth grade or so. Anyway. Cough. Fidget uncomfortably. If you want to bring those kids on a class trip to the internet, give us a jingle.

And now, tune your brain radio to some Cat Stevens tunes: did you know Springfield is home to the Museum of Funeral Customs? Gah! BTW, "Object Donations Gratefully Accepted," so if you haven't been able to move that funeral memorabilia on e-Bay, give it to the museum. Or swing by the FUNERAL GIFT SHOP to start your holiday shopping early, before you die.

BTW, when we die, give us a Lego funeral.