Alienation of Affection Suits? And People Think the Midwest is Backwards?

By Margaret Lyons in News on Nov 15, 2004 4:46PM

Poor Steven Cyl. His (now ex-)wife Lupe left him for one of their neighbors, Lee Bauman, who allegedly seduced her at a neighborhood bar. Rawr. Not sure exactly why the S-T article includes this tidbit, but what the hell: Mr. Cyl lives in the "basement of his mother's Southwest Side home." Insult? Is insult here? Injury is waiting for you.

So Mr. Cyl is doing what any litigious, heart-broken basement-dweller would do: he's suing Bauman for "alienation of affection." We didn't know you could sue people for that, but you can. By the way, this weekend Chicagoist was complaining that new bands all had shitty names, so uh, if you're looking to start an emo band, Alienation of Affection is clearly the way to go. Anyway.

What actually goes into an alienation of affection law suit? Plaintiffs usually need to show:

(1) the marriage entailed love between the spouses in some degree;
(2) the spousal love was alienated and destroyed; and
(3) defendant’s malicious conduct contributed to or caused the loss of affection.

OK, we can all make our own "sanctity of marriage" jokes...now. Blah blah, these laws are antiquated, blah blah, marriage is cool, blah blah.

We're too busy trying to figure out if this article. Is the Tupperware analogy like, a joke? We kind of hope it is because it's not particularly hot, and it doesn't do much to dispel the Midwest-as-unsexy myth. Look how raunchy I am, I talk about food storage options. Also, I say "hogwash." And just to rev your engine a little more, I talk about God's plan to make the Midwest sexy: "…whatever brooding intelligence designed and watches over us must possess, in addition to eternal dominion over earth and sky, a somewhat naughty sense of humor." What's hotter that eternal dominion? Light bondage and role-playing? Uh, gross! Try Willa Cather and Ernest Hemmingway, pervos.