Why, Tom? WHY?!

By Margaret Lyons in News on Nov 23, 2004 6:40PM

Weather + cute graphics = our dream Images: www.palmprints.comAsk me why. Image: chicagotribune.comIt's that time again, cats and kittens: time for a weather update! What say you, weather guru Tom Skilling? We're going to make an experimental film called "Ask Tom Why," where people just stare right into the camera and say "why?" Lots and lots of people, of various ages and ethnicities, builds and types, a veritable Benetton ad of why-askers. Then in phase two of our film, we give the tape to Tom Skilling and tape him while he watches it. So Tom's in front of the TV, staring as all these people are asking him why, and he's just sitting there, dumbfounded by our provocative and wrenching art, and he rubs his face, and looks put-upon, burdened by the weight of so many people asking why. Roll end credits. Yeah. We're that good.

But seriously folks, what's up with the weather? We've been able to stick with the in-between coat for way longer than usual, and no snow? What is this, a tropical paradise? Or is it…global warming?! Actually, no, it's not global warming--waaah, I'm still curious about global warming in Illinois--it's just an unusually warm autumn. Go figure.

We live for Fraggle Rock. Image: www.fragglerocker.comHow warm? So warm it's almost without precedent, which is like almost breaking a record: meaningless. No prize for second place in the weather Olympics, bitches. So far this fall, temperatures have hit 46 degrees or above every day—feel the palm trees a-swayin'!—and the last time that happened was 1931. And before that, weather didn't exist. We've only had eight chilly mornings with temperatures at or below 32 degrees, instead of the normal 17 mornings like that. We're thanking the Autumn Weather Gods, whom we imagine look like Marjory the Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock.

Our warm fall won't last, though, and if you live downstate you might be catching some flurries tomorrow. "Just how much falls will depend on how heavily the flakes, which are to start as rain Tuesday night, end up falling," according to the WGN weather brains. So yeah, how much snow falls depends on how much…snow…falls…. The hell? Anyway. Since 1884, this is only the sixth year not to record a single flake of snow by now. We probably just jinxed it.