Antioch Is Totally Not Bad Ass

By Sam Bakken in News on Nov 24, 2004 8:45PM

So the puritans in Antioch won. For what he called personal reasons, Tony Liotta canceled his plan to open a Bad Ass Coffee franchise in Antioch. As we told you last week the Antioch Village board passed a resolution labeling the name of the shop as "repugnant to the entire concept of family values."

The residents in Antioch are happy and the Mayor told the Tribune, "I'm glad this chapter is closed. A name like 'Bad Ass' might be appropriate in a big metropolis, but a name like that wasn't ready to be in Antioch."

He's right because all of us pinko liberals in The Big City HATE families.

We're thinking of starting a regional chain of coffee shops ourselves. They'll only be located on the borders of Antioch, nowhere else. The name? It's called "Fuck The Antioch Village Board's Concept of Family Values In Its Anus Then Slap It And Don't Call It In The Morning". Or wait, the shop serves coffee so we mean, "Fuck The Antioch Village Board's Concept of Family Values In Its Anus Then Slap It And Don't Call It In The Morning Coffee". And we're going to aim our marketing at kids. How's THAT for family values?

Any takers? Give us a 50 words on why you want to operate one of these shops and your work history in the comments below. No phone calls please.