Report The "Cool" Adults, Collect Cash

By Sam Bakken in News on Dec 3, 2004 9:15PM

If you're that guy (with the thinning, greasy hair and the stuffed animals in the back seat of your red convertible) that waits outside convenience stores and tries to impress minors by buying them alcohol, watch your back; the Illinois State Crime Commission (and maybe the Chicagoist) is after you.

Starting today they're offering $100 for tips (scroll to the bottom) leading to the arrest of adults who provide alcohol to minors. You'll only get the reward if you call in December, but the Rat'm Out program started during the prom/graduation season last year. So if you don't cash in this month, you'll probably have another chance in April 2005. We called the number on the commission's web site and talked to Executive Director Jerry Eslner. He said if you know of an adult providing alcohol to minors, all you have to do is call the police and say, "This is an Illinois Crime Commission Rat 'm Out tip." We'd expected to talk to a secretary and were a bit surprised when suddenly we were talking to the executive director on his cellphone so we forgot to ask how you collect. After you give the police your tip just call him on his cell we guess. The number is (630) 778-9191.

We're a little low on dough for presents so we're thinking this could be the ticket to the best Christmas (Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, insert your winter holiday here) ever. We're currently looking into the legalities of borrowing somebody's kid and having them offer adults $20 (we imagine the city's homeless population will be especially interested) to buy them a six-pack. We'll stand around the corner with a phone and call in with the tip. We'll let the adult keep the twenty (we keep our word) and we still make like $80! Minus the $3.50 for the six-pack of Pabst cans. And we'll drink that with the kid afterwards. WE didn't give it to them.