Still In Hollywood
By Scott Smith in Arts & Entertainment on Feb 27, 2005 9:01PM
The Super Bowl of the movie industry begins in about four hours or so and we couldn’t be more inebria...er, excited. Did anyone else know Oscar producer Gil Cates had a blog? Does anyone else know who Gil Cates is? Or care? His most recent entry includes such nuggets as:
Without giving away anything from his performance, I can tell you that Chris will be hilarious.
“He better be or it’s my ass on the line. This is a sweet deal that keeps me up to my elbows in coke, whores and Metamucil so I’m not about to derail this gravy train.”
When all is said and done, the Oscar telecast is a celebration of movies by movie lovers.
"As opposed to the Golden Globes, which is a celebration of movies by people who love a good buffet and would show up at the opening of an envelope.”
"My mind recalls the world as it was in 1990 when I produced my first Oscar telecast. The Berlin Wall had just fallen...we chose to celebrate the Oscars as a great global party of joy and optimism.”
“We did this without losing the funereal pace that movie lovers the world over have come to expect from the Oscars and by nominating Born On The Fourth of July, My Left Foot, Driving Miss Daisy, and Dead Poets Society—some of the most depressing films of all time—for Best Picture.
"In short, the 62nd Annual Academy Awards created a special moment in time that recorded the way we all felt…and the stars we loved best at the time."
“Like Pauline Collins from Shirley Valentine. Remember her? I didn’t either until I ran into her working the drive-thru at In-And-Out Burger. We’re much more careful about the stars we chose to love now (except for that year we all loved Roberto Benigni)."
Since the show is more entertaining if you’re sauced, we’ve slapped together an Oscar Drinking Game. Feel free to add your own suggestions.
Giving A Shout-Out To The Creator
Take one drink if God is thanked during an acceptance speech, two drinks if God is thanked after anybody but the winner’s parents, and finish your glass if someone wins anything for Passion of the Christ and makes no religious references at all
Take one drink if...
* A Best Actor/Actress clip involves yelling
* The target of one of Chris Rock's jokes looks pissed off
* The orchestra doesn’t start up during the first winner’s speech
* A presenter gets lost while trying to give out one of the “in the audience” awards
* You know the words to any of the Best Original Song nominees
* Anyone watching the show says “What the hell is she wearing?”
* A film you didn’t see wins an award (not counting the Short Film or Documentary features)
Take two drinks if...
* Someone at your Oscar party can pronounce Zhang Ziyi on the first try
* Chris Rock cracks a joke that includes the words “gay” and “Alexander”
* Someone makes an inappropriate political statement during his or her acceptance speech
* An Oscar recipient thanks the other people in their category or mentions what an “honor” it is to be in their company
* An actress shows "reverse cleavage" during the pre-show (finish your glass if it’s an actor; finish the bottle if it’s Barbra Striesand)
* Jeremy Irons doesn’t come off as creepy while presenting
* You see a loser mouth a four-letter word on-camera
Finish your glass if...
* Alexander Payne wins Best Director for Sideways (hey, remember Traffic? It could happen!)
* The audience can be heard booing Ronald Reagan during the Dead People montage
* Anyone at your Oscar party has seen any of the Short Film - Live Action nominees
* Beyonce falls out of her dress during her musical number
* Drew Barrymore doesn’t screw up while reading off the Teleprompter
Finish the bottle if…
* A clip from "Wings" is accidentally shown when Thomas Haden Church's name is announced for Best Supporting Actor
* The guys from PricewaterhouseCooper show up pants-less
* Tupac: Resurrection wins Best Documentary Feature and Tupac shows up to accept the award
* Annette Bening wins Best Actress and during her acceptance speech she points at Hilary Swank and yells "Not this time, bitch!"
* Jamie Foxx loses Best Actor and Chris Rock interrupts the winner’s speech, Wu-Tang style
Throw a whiskey bottle at the TV if...
* Counting Crows wins Best Original Song
We'll be live blogging throughout tonight's show starting at 7 PM CST.