Need A Date? And a Ride? Call Chubby

By Andrew Peerless in Miscellaneous on Apr 6, 2005 2:21PM

Do you spend your days traveling for work, shuttling back and forth between the airport and your cramped apartment, wondering when and if you'll ever have time to finally find that special someone? If so, Chicagoist has an answer: get Chubby.

No, no, no... put down the McGriddles. Though we are the fifth fattest city, we're talking about a different kind of Chubby: a 20+ year veteran of Chicago's taxi driving scene, and as far as we know, the only one that runs a dating service out of his cab.

Here's how it works: Pay Chubby a $5 initiation fee, and watch as your information is added to his prized, overstuffed resume book. Chubby, who specializes in airport transportation, is known for using the 30+ minute trips to O'Hare or Midway to pry into customers' love lives, and sell his dating services accordingly. With any luck, some loaded hottie executive may just be the next one of his passengers to gaze longingly upon your resume.

Sound far-fetched? Perhaps a bit, but Chubby's dating service has so far yielded three marriages. That's six people that have found the loves of their lives through a taxi. Never content to bask too long in these successes, Chubby is aiming for twenty marriages by the time he retires.

Happily involved, but looking for an interesting ride to the airport? Call Chubby! Not only does he take pride in his prompt pick-up and speedy navigation of traffic, but he'll bring you coffee and donuts at no additional charge. Your eyeballs will be titillated, as well as your stomach, by the myriad embellishments that grace his blue Concorde: photos of his connubial couples, a plush "guard dog" to keep customers in line, a small black and white television (for watching Cubs games), a small "toilet" (a plastic cup, labeled "for small assholes"), and two tubs of candy, one for "straight men" and one for "gay men and women." Fascinating.

Chicagoist should warn you that Chubby's taxi is rather, um, pungent with the aromas of car air fresheners, but in our book, that's a small price to pay for eternal love and free candy.

Silly me! Chubby's hand-written business (err... index) cards ask that you call him one day in advance for his services. Reach him at 773.392.1114.

Thanks, Ann!