"Flagship" McDonalds Rushes to Open Doors

By Andrew Peerless in Arts & Entertainment on Apr 11, 2005 2:23PM

Fast-food lovers, architecture buffs and the morbidly obese are hotly anticipating this Friday's opening of downtown's soon-to-be-favorite McDonald's location. The new store, which occupies the site of the mysteriously popular "Rock 'n' Roll McDonald's," is a double-decker, glass-enclosed "flagship" store that will seat more than three times the capacity of a normal Mickey-D's location and, like its predecessor, stay open 24 hours a day.

Extended hours and greasy fries aside, the new building boasts a rather puzzling design concept: making patrons feel as if they are "in a home." The first floor, called "the kitchen," will boast ten register stations concealed beneath a prominent stairway, as well as standard fast-food seating, while the upstairs "dining room, living room and family room" will encourage patrons to sit back, relax and become fatter while watching television, accessing wireless internet hookups or even holding business meetings. And in case you live in a coffee shop, you'll feel right at home in the McCafe, serving crotch-scalding capuccino, espresso, gelato and Italian pastries.

Because nothing says "home" like museum displays, the second floor will also feature a series of rooms expressly for the McDonald's corporation's McMasturbation, in the form of historical artifacts and vintage commercials that glorify 50 years' of average food. Chicagoist anticipates no discussion or mention of Super Size Me.

Driving to the McDonald's flagship? Park in one of 65 parking spots, or steer your auto through the chain's first-ever 2-lane drive-through.