Alleged Cabbie Killer Fails To Kill Himself

By Sam Bakken in News on Apr 13, 2005 7:49PM

Well, we're not quite sure how to handle this, but Michael L. Jackson, the man accused of running over cabbie Haroon Paryani three times with Paryani's cab and killing him, was admitted to Advocate Good Samaritan Hospital this weekend. Apparently he had overdosed on pills tying to commit suicide. Someone found him lying on the floor of the residence where he was staying. Jackson's attorney has said Jackson is recovering and in good health. As we told you last week, Jackson went free on $750,000 bond last Thursday.

Now we were tempted to lash Jackson with our usual harangues and thank him for his self-inflicted dose of justice, but our mama didn't raise us like that (and we remembered that we live in a civilized society). We want Jackson to stand trial, to be sure he did what we think he did, and if found guilty be punished accordingly.

Then, we find out that Jackson was charged with aggravated assault and reckless conduct for, among other things we're sure, allegedly spitting on a nurse at the hospital Sunday morning. You might say, "Well he was on drugs!" But it's a dangerous thing to excuse people from responsibility for their actions even if they are somehow intoxicated. These latest events have helped us realize what a pathetic man Michael L. Jackson is. And we have to admit, we almost (almost being the key word here) feel sorry for him. Don't get us wrong, we still stick by "DICKHEAD!", but obviously he needs some assistance to recapture his sanity. Bond on the arrest warrant for Jackson's assault charges is set at $250,000. We hope he can't pay it this time.

The photo "Wolley Cab on LSD" by Jessamyn North used with permission.