Promises, Promises

By Scott Smith in News on Apr 29, 2005 7:18PM

The relationship between a website and its readers is one that is both sacred and profane. Most of the profanity comes out in the comments section while the sanctity is realized in the trust you, as a reader, put in Chicagoist to do what we say we will do. Way back in March, we promised to never do another post about The Band Whose Name We Dare Not Speak. And we tried, Internet, we really tried. But we’re about to fail you here to bring you our Governmental Quote of the Week.

TBWNWDNS settled a civil suit with the State of Illinois today by agreeing to pay $200,000 that will be placed into a fund for environmental protection and education. In a release, Attorney General Lisa Madigan justified the suit by saying it “sends a message that no one is above the laws of our state.” Such erudition failed her spokesperson, Melissa Merz, when she stated the following:

"This is a significant payment that is going to serve as a deterrent to other bands who might feel that it's okay to...dump 800 pounds of human waste on Illinois citizens and tourists."

Just look at that sentence. You can almost hear the pause in her voice as she realizes what the rest of that sentence is going to sound like when it comes out of her mouth and knows that this will not be her finest hour. Even if you buy the argument that TBWNWDNS and its driver thought it was “okay” to dump that waste (and we don’t) are there that many other bands that would feel the same way? We’re thinking Sum 41 and then...who?

In addition to the monetary settlement, the band will be required to document “the place, date and time of each waste tank disposal and must keep receipts documenting such disposal” thereby setting the stage for what would be the Worst Audit Job Ever.

OK, seriously. That's it. No more. We promise.