Ask Chicagoist: Bus Chatterbox

By Sarah in Miscellaneous on May 31, 2005 2:30PM

Dear Ask,
There's a guy at my bus stop who never ever stops talking. He just doesn't stop with the small talk/lame-pick-up line of questioning. And when we get off the bus at night, if I don't walk with him the one block until we part ways, he gets this hurt look like I'm breaking up with him. I don't want to be rude, but I fear my commute will no longer be an opportunity to chill and read or stare. How do I get out of the mass-transit social obligation?

Sincerely,
Leave Me Alone

Dearest LMA:
We hate when a little harmless public transit googly-eyeing gets pushed out of bounds! Sorry its cramping your spaced-out commuter style! When someone isn't able to read your "don't chat me up, I ain't interested" signals, you'll have to make it Very Clear to him (or her).

What to do? Of course, the surefire approach is straight-up: "Hey, Steve, I know you consider the bus to be a massive Happy Hour on Wheels, but I've set aside this time to write haiku/practice rolling my tongue/review Telugu vocabulary. Please don't be offended that I'm not interested in chatting with you."

Of course, being direct is tough stuff, especially when he makes the break-up face. How about switching your bus time/route for a few weeks? You can shock your colleagues by showing up at work on time for a change! After a week or two of not seeing you, he'll have grown used to your absence, and then you can establish a no-talking rule on your own terms.

But all that's boring as hell! Ask Chicagoist sees this as yet another opportunity to Have Fun On Public Transit. Have you considered the novelty-store stinkbomb? Or casually mentioning the rare, yet highly contagious, rodent-borne illness you're fighting? Try eating a drippy, stinky sandwich and then ask him to save the foil for you.

And when all else fails: try the "Pull My Finger" option!

Idle chatter got you down? Need some advice? Email ask(at)Chicagoist(dot)com