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Ask Chicagoist: The Stolen Glances

By Sarah in Miscellaneous on Jun 7, 2005 2:46PM

I'll be visiting Chicago again in the next couple of months. While I'm there I'll get a chance to see my best friend who moved there five years ago. She has always been the love of my life, but it seems we always end up dating someone else, or getting distracted by the details of living our separate, now really separate, lives. I think we're both worried about crossing over the invisible line we've drawn so that our friendship isn't ruined or our feelings aren't hurt. But the feelings, the stolen glances, and the unsaid words are there every time we're together. How do you move forward without f***ing up what you have?

Hee hee! So sweet!
Oh wait. No it's not. You need to sort this out. Its easy to think of someone as the love of your life when you live "separate, now really separate" lives. We think this is a severe, long-distance case of TGAG (The Grass is Always Greener), sweetened by the curious woozy thrill of the stolen glance while the unsaid words claw at your flesh like so many piranhas. Here are two scenarios from which you may choose a course of action that "won't f*** up what you have".

Ask youself: Are both parties unattached/available? Can I really risk it? Am I up for exxxtremist romantic pursuit?

If you answered YES to all of the above, then you'll have to jump straight for it, with ZERO pussyfootin' around. Proceed directly to your tattoo artist (if you ever paid 'em for that last piece, punk) and sketch up your own "Winona Forever".

Meaning: tell it like it is, don't hold back. Of course you might ruin the Friendship Forever and spend a ton of cash getting your tat removed, but whatevs: a blaze of glory is a wonderful way to go.

However, sounds like one or both of you is in a relationship, and/or residing in some city that is not called Chicago. So here's a reality check: she's your best friend. You always date other people. Your lives, alas, are separate. And that's just fine, you know. As the very smart writer Vikram Chandra put it, "Good friends are hard to find, and life is long". So chillz yourself out, and realize how lucky you are: you can have a secret crush, but keep those words unsaid, your hands to yourself, and steal all the glances you want.

Can't stop staring? Sick of the melodrama? Get some advice, yo! Email Ask(at)