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You Smell Like You Haven't Aged a Bit!

By Andrew Peerless in News on Jun 16, 2005 1:33PM

Hey ladies... are you interested in a younger man? Longing for an Ashton/Demi (are they Ashmi?) romance of your very own, but having trouble getting the jeans-and-untucked-striped-shirt-wearing masses at Grand Central to look your way? Well, just imagine all the attention you'll be getting when prospective young suitors smell how young you really are...

Image courtesy of www.lifeprint.comAlan R. Hirsch, M.D., director of the Chicago-based Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation, is helping age-challenged females with a new spray-on product called Timeless View, which apparently causes men to perceive women who wear it as six years younger than they really are. Why six years, Chicagoist isn't sure, but the product is apparently based on more than 25 years of research into human sensory function. The Timeless View site doesn't give any details on the contents of this Fountain-of-Youth-In-A-Bottle, except to say that it smells "pleasant," but a little Google-ing indicates that grapefruits may be involved.

Guys, Lesbians, we're sorry to tell you that Timeless View only works on male sensory receptors (does that mean gay guys can use it, too?)... you'll just have to resort to that time-tested method of age-manipulation: clawing out chicks' eyeballs and telling them you're an 18-year-old ex-football player/underwear model enjoying your sexual peak. Have at 'em...

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