More Tourists Visiting...Then Leaving For Naperville

By Scott Smith in News on Jul 12, 2005 7:16PM

There’s a reason you’ve spotted more adorably clueless, map-toting hordes than usual lately: tourist numbers for the city were up for 2004 and the Chicago Convention and Tourism Bureau expects more of an increase this year. So look not upon our fair visitors as obstacles but as big, fat walking sales tax revenues.

A record 31.9 million visitors invaded Chicago in 2004, which was a seven percent increase over 2003 and an overall rise in pre 9/11 numbers. Chicago is fourth in leisure travelers behind Orlando, Las Vegas, and New York. Though there’s been concern over the decline in Chicago’s convention business thanks to restrictive union contracts and more attractive packages in Orlando and Vegas, Chicago remains the number one city for business travelers. Chicagoist thinks we’ve got Scarlett’s and The Admiral to thank for that statistic.

Though more people are visiting, it’s likely they’ll end up settling in Naperville thanks to a recent Money Magazine survey that ranks the final destination of every Trixie and Chad as the third best place to live in the country. For those who wonder why the hell you’d ever want to move to Naperville, the best answer appears to be “the schools” along with low crime, nice restaurants, and great baby-making opportunities since Naperville has the most married, two-parent households in America and its own Lover’s Lane store.

But it’s not all jaywalking tickets and straight A’s in Naperville. No, sir! The study shows the city is plagued by...high traffic and expensive homes! Not to mention masturbators in the libraries and fines for hanging out with underage drunks! It’s practically a David Lynch film waiting to happen.