Good Bad Dog

By Matt Wood in Miscellaneous on Sep 16, 2005 4:00PM

Your carpet is stained so badly you can't remember its original color. People cross the street when they see you coming. Your furniture is gnawed, pillows shredded, and trash cans constantly disemboweled. You have a bad dog. Sure, he was cute and cuddly when you brought him home from the shelter, but as soon as he got comfortable he started playing you like a fiddle. "No!" and "Bad dog!" mean nothing to your pooch; he reads this as encouragement to drag a dead bird into your dining room. So what's a nasty canine's owner to do? You can't give him back, you're already attached. How about making $2000 off your misfortune?

Hasbro, makers of GI Joe and Transformers, is giving Cujo a chance to redeem himself with their America's Least Obedient Dog contest. Bring your dog to Montrose Beach tomorrow at 9:30 to register; the first 100 dogs to enter can compete. The winner of the local contest will win $500 and a chance to compete in the nationals in New York on October 22nd. The national champion will win $2000 and free training from an obedience expert. If you can't make the competition tomorrow, you can also mail in a video of your pooch chewing your shoes or crapping in your den.

Having dealt with bad dogs before, Chicagoist thinks this contest is a great way to reassure their tortured owners. But won't it really turn out "America's Goofiest Dog" or "America's Stupidest Dog"? To find the absolute worst dog around, wouldn't you need some real delinquents like our first dog who had a penchant for biting children? But then again, Hasbro probably isn't interested in staging pit bull fighting at Montrose Beach. So if you have a dog that's a little bit naughty, or if you just like the puppies, head up north on the lakefront between Wilson and Lawrence tomorrow.