Dude! Another place for Swedish crap!

By Roland Lara on Sep 28, 2005 11:40AM

Dear Gød in Hëåven. There’s another Chicagoland IKEA.

There are two types of people in Chicago: (1) The ones who read that sentence and jumped for joy; and (2) The ones who read that sentence and sighed at the prospect of yet another yuppie megastore ... and who are also dreading the day they’ll end up there anyway.

Because we all do.

Folks, how do you beat a Poäng chair for $79 or a six-pack of Svalka red wine glasses for $4.50? We’re not made out of wood here, people. We’re only human.

Today at 9:00 am is the grand opening of IKEA’s new store in Bolingbrook. They’re giving $3,000 to the first adult in line at the 9:00 am opening, but if you’re reading this and finding that fact out for the first time, um, you lost.

Chicagoist has to admit that this is some happy news. The Schaumburg IKEA was the most frustrating store. The drive to the 'burbs wasn't bad, but once you actually got there you could find yourself circling for hours like the flights in Die Hard 2. You could see the big blue building from the expressway, but it still took a week to ten days to fucking get there. There were so many road psyche-outs that Chicagoist truly one time just gave up and went to the bar at 11:00 am. Hey, no judgment.

The new one appears to be easier to find. It’s on Boughton Street at 87th in Bolingbrook. And it’s but a stone’s throw from Argonne National Laboratory, so you can pick up your Markör coffee table for $169 and then pop on over to Argonne for diamond nanotubes for grillions of dollars.

Since its founding in Sweden in 1943, IKEA has opened more than 205 stores in 32 countries, including more than 22 stores in the United States.