Chicagoist Overheard
By Chicagoist Overheard in Miscellaneous on Sep 29, 2005 8:56PM
Keep those golden overheards a'comin' this-a-way: overheard at chicagoist dot com.
Man 1: Have you ever been on Lake Michigan?
Man 2: Yeah, a coupla times.
Man 1: How deep is it?
Man 2: It's pretty deep. 500 ft. or so.
Man 1: Are they natural or manmade?
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Receptionist: I think I just made myself dizzy from looking at Google Earth and zooming in too fast.
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Panhandler, talking to Streetwise vendor: Only good thing about it is if Hurricane Rita hits that damn Bush ranch.
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Father: I'm telling you, having a cell phone will not make you important!
8-year-old son: Yes it will!
Father: No, it won't!
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Scene: a thrift store sales counter stocked with porcelain dolls
Black woman: Lemme see that white girl with the pretty boots.
(Thrift store employee hands doll over to woman).
Black woman: Ooohh, she pretty! I want this one. Gonna take her home, shove a stick up her ass, and put her on my dresser.
White woman (overhearing the monologue): I'm sorry, but could you not sawear, ma'am? My kids are within earshot.
Black Woman: You need to take the stick out of your ass!!
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Coworker working on an MBA: Yeah, its not worth getting a PhD unless your going into the Medical field.
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Chick #1: So, we're out at the bar and he's totally wasted. Then, he
pulls a Vicodin out of his pocket and downs it with more beer!
Chick #2: What the hell? Fucking Vicodin! Fucking prescription drugs! I'd almost rather he went back to snorting coke and be all Kate Moss about his drug problems.
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Waitress: Check out the name on this credit card.
Bartender #1: "Funkenshteen?" No way!
Waitress: Yep.
Bartender #2: What's so funny?
Waitress: Look at the name on that credit card.
Bartender #2 (studying card): That's pronounced "Frahn-ken-steen."
Bartender #1: You just had to make the obvious Mel Brooks reference, didn't you?
Bartender #2: Actually I'm wondering if they're related to the Feelgoods.
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A teenage girl talking on her cell phone: But I have to have something to put on my college application, bitch.
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Girl 1: You're horrible with directions in this city.
Girl 2: Yeah, I know.
Girl 1: You just need to tap into your internal compass.
Girl 2: But I don't have an internal compass!! That's why they sell compasses!